


Father-To-Be

by Cuthwyn



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Infertility, Jay/Roy kinda ... in their own special way, M/M, Sperm Donation, What else do I write?, past Joyfire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-10-22 23:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10707423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: It takes any man to be a father but someone special to be a dad.The phrase says it all. ANY man can be a father. All it takes is one night and boom, baby!Any man that is, except Dick Grayson. Or that's what it feels like anyway.Desperate to give Kori the family she craves, Dick turns to a close friend for help.After all any man can father a child but what if that man then decides to be a dad too?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ssssh... I know it's yet another multi-chapter but I'm reaching the end of a couple of others and this keeps bugging me so ....

Starting a family.  
Conception, new beginnings.  
It was nature and the most natural thing in the world for a couple to desire.  
It happened everyday.  
Everyday, millions of people all over world fell into one another and created a new life.  
Millions of people, except Dick Grayson, apparently.  
In one moment, a know it all doctor, and a clipboard had wrung every drop of optimism and hope out of him like a mop. Sat alone on a cot with crinkly paper beneath him, Dick's whole world crumbles and he couldn't think. He couldn't even function.  
'I am so sorry, Mr Grayson.' Dr. Matthews consoled him with a very emotional look, the middle aged man seemed genuinely saddened for him. 'There are some other treatments. I can-'  
'No.'  
Shaking his head, Dick wiped his eyes and looked up at the doctor with a very sad half smile, the usual life and sparkle gone.  
'We've tried, Doc, for nearly 2 years. What's really going to make a difference huh? Have my samples changed at all?'  
The look Dr Matthews gave him was more than enough for Dick and he looked away with a small sniffle. His heart ached beneath his breast and he just wanted to shrivel up into nothing on the cot.

A hand rested on his shoulder and Dick frowned at it before looking up at the solemn doctor with a small smile.  
'I'm sorry, Doctor. I should not have spoken to you like that.'  
'Don't worry, Mr Grayson. This is very hard news to hear. There are other ways?'  
Quirking an eyebrow, Dick watched the doctor saunter off and route around in the draws before returning with a couple of pamphlets which he gave to the baffled young man.  
'Have you thought of maybe using a donor, Mr Grayson?'  
Brow furrowing, Dick looked down at the smiling couple with a baby on the first pamphlet and opened it curiously, it was an advertisement for a sperm bank. His stomach clenched painfully.  
'I -I don't know.'  
'Of course. There is no need to make a decision today. Maybe go home and have a talk with Ms Anders?' Dr Matthews offered, but Dick shook his head and handed that pamphlet back.  
'I- we won't know who the donor was? Who they were as a person. Whether they were a good person or not. I - I couldn't do that.'  
'So the idea of donation appeals to you but not anonymity surrounding a bank?'  
Nodding, Dick chewed his bottom lip nervously before realising he was doing a Jason and stopping.  
'Well, maybe discuss with Ms Anders the possibility of using a close, trusted friend who may be willing to offer their assistance?'  
Looking down at the one pamphlet left in his hands, he stared at yet another smiling couple with a baby. That did sound like an alternative. The only problem being figuring out who to ask.  
'Thank you, Doctor.'

The journey home was torture. Everywhere Dick looked there were pregnant girls, little children, families enjoying a day out. Every single one igniting a burning jealousy in his gut because how dare they have something that he couldn't? The world just wasn't fair.  
He really couldn't face walking through the door of the house he had bought especially for him and Kori to raised their family in. He remembered walking up the little gravel path that lead to the front door, imagining the bikes and skateboards sprawled across the lawn. They hadn't decided how many they would have? One? Two? Three? Maybe four? Kori had been so excited, she'd almost set fire to the house they hadn't even bought yet. She had picked out the room she'd make into a nursery, the room which would be the playroom, right down to the colours.  
All of it was gone. There would be no nursery, no playroom. There would be no baby. It was all Dick's fault.  
'Richard!'  
Suddenly his front door swung open and Kori was there, smiling down at him, eyes overflowing with happiness and hope for the future. Just like that day when they had bought the house. One look at him though and her smile fell.  
'Richard? What's wrong?'  
Swallowing, Dick closed his eyes and leant against the porch to try and keep upright, to keep from just breaking down into floods of tears.  
'K-Kori?' Taking a deep breath, he motioned inside the house. 'Can- can we go inside? Please?'

Dick would have preferred to have sat Kori down and told her he was dying. It would have been easier. Instead he had to take her hand and break her heart and it was all his fault. It was his fault in the end. He'd lead an unhealthy lifestyle. More than that he was a vigilante. How many hard knocks had he sustained? How much radioactivity had he come into contact with? He distinctly remembered the time he'd been dangling in mid air as flames licked a little too close. Dick wanted to look at Kori as he explained but in the end he could barely hold it together and studied their hands instead.  
Kori sat in silence for a few very long moments. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks before she finally sniffed and wiped them away.  
'This is not your fault.'  
Shaking his head, the dam keeping the tears at bay shuddered and Dick curled forwards unable to stifle the hideous sobs. Soft arms wrapped around him and the scent of orange blossom and rose with hints of vanilla and cinnamon wafted over him. His heart wrenched painfully and Dick turned to bury his face into Kori's chest.

'I-I'm s-sorry' He mumbled, inhaling deeply to take in more of her perfume. 'Y-You should go. Find someone else. I'll - I'll understand.'  
Shaking her head, Kori took a deep breath and held Dick's hand tightly, her eyes travelling to an old photo of the Titans. Of a happier more carefree time, which in itself said a lot about her life on Earth.  
'We can have a baby. It's alright.'  
Frowning, Dick wiped his eyes and sat up to gaze at his partner in confusion.  
'Kori, I don't think you understand? I can't-'  
'No, I understand.' Kori replied slowly, her mind clearly going a billion miles an hour behind glowing green eyes. 'But- but we could borrow someone? On Tamaran if a couple could not-'  
Dick nodded slowly and pulled the pamphlet about donation out of his pocket and handed it over shyly. 'Yes, on Earth. We have donors who can donate sperm at a clinic and then erm, well we would go and the doctors could erm, well, put it in you? Urgh no, that sounds crude, um, gimme sec, um.'  
Nodding, Kori flicked through the pamphlet silently, with Dick trying his best not to watch her on tender hooks but still feeling just a little desperate to make things better. To not break her heart again. To give Kori hope. 

Suddenly, Kori got up and walked over to their mantelpiece and picked up the old photograph of the Titans, before smiling and dashing back over to sit down next to Dick with it.  
'Close friend. The pamphlet says, close friend? These are our friends, would one of these suffice?'  
Sighing, Dick ran a hand down his face and took the picture.  
'Kori, sweetheart, this isn't like picking shoes? We can't just pick a friend. It's got to be someone suitable, and who's willing. We'd have to ask them first.'  
Nodding, Kori smiled and pointed at a grinning Wally in the picture.  
'Then we start with who's suitable?'  
'Well, sure, but, not Wally! I love the guy to bits, you know I do, but I don't think I could survive a kid that can fly and run at the speed of light!' Dick shot back with a chuckle, smiling when Kori's eyes lit up in amusement. Despite not really having his heart in it, he looked down at the old photograph, smiling at his teenage self back when he thought long hair was cool. 

Dick looked across to Roy who had his arm across his shoulder ... maybe? His eyes fell to a toddler Lian sat on his friend's lap and guilt pooled in his stomach for even considering it. Frowning, he realised Lian was looking off to the side and laughing at someone. Following her line of vision, Dick came across another dead child. A teenage Jason was stood a little way away from the group. He looked so different dressed in jeans that weren't ripped, hands shoved in a hoodie with a random 90's rock band on it. The scowl however had followed Jason through the years. Dick distinctly remembered that this strop was because Bruce made him come to Titan Tower in a bid for him to make friends. Jason had not approved.  
Kori gasping suddenly caught his attention, and Dick dragged himself out of the past to look at her in bewilderment. She grinned and clasped her hands to her chest, her eyes overflowing with happiness. Dick would to agree to anything just to keep her looking like that.

'Jaybird!'  
'What?'  
Frowning, Dick looked back at the picture of his brother back when he was a little less crazy.  
'Jason! He is our good friend, and your brother. He will be perfect.'  
'You have got to be kidding!' Dick gawked, trying to find an easy way of explaining how much this was not a good idea but coming up with nothing. Kori shook her head and took hold of his hands in earnest.  
'Please Richard? Just ask him?'  
Sighing Dick, nodded his agreement. Sure, he may not be as convinced that he wanted to do this as much as Kori was. His stomach twisted at the thought of someone else impregnating his wife, still very set that that was his job and his alone. A job he'd failed to do. Sighing, Dick looked down at Jason scowling back up at him. In the end? What harm could asking do? Jason would only say no anyway. His brother wasn't even 25, he'd want kids of his own and everyone knew that Jason wasn't very good at sharing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope is the little voice that whispers 'maybe'

Depending on how you looked at it, luckily Jason rocked up back in Gotham a week later. It wasn't hard to find his younger brother for once. He was cracking down on the drugs circuit, again. All it took was Nightwing throwing a few questions at the usual suspects for them to all too eagerly point the finger at his brother's whereabouts. His search lead him to an alleyway, about a block behind the docks.

'Let's play a game, Bobby! I like playing games, don't you?'  
'Please don't, argh, please- I'm sorry?'   
Climbing down from the rooftops, Dick perched on a dumpster and watched his brother shove a picture in front of a known dealer. The poor man's face was unrecognisable from the beating the Red Hood had given him. He was now curled up on the floor trying his hardest to focus on the picture.  
'Who's this Bobby, old pal?' Jason asked, his voice dripping with a dangerous venom.  
'M-me? Please, I'm sorry? Argh!'  
The Red Hood's boot pressed down on Bobby's fingers and ground into them cruelly.  
'Now for the hard question. See this person here, yeah? The one you're giving gear to? How old are they?'  
'I dunno, argh-' Bobby sobbed, screwing his face up in agony as his fingers were crushed further into the tarmac. Gasping, he let out a small whimper when the barrel of a gun pressed against his temple.  
'Okay. Let's make this easier. Do they look like a child or an adult here Bobby? Speak up! I can't hear you!' Jason growled, as he leant closer to his victim.  
'A child.' Bobby mumbled, spitting out a mouthful of blood.   
There was a moment of very heavy silence. The only sound, Bobby's desperate sobs.  
'You know my rules Bobby, old pal. No dealing to children. Is that so hard? Huh? What? You think me being outta town gives ya free rein, hmm? What happens when I find you dealing to kids Bobby?' Jason spoke with such calmness, Bobby screamed in fear. 

'I think Bobby has learnt his lesson Hood. Haven't you Bobby?'   
Both men stopped and turned in unison to stare at Nightwing, who'd jumped down from his perch on the dumpster. Bobby started nodding frantically.  
'N-no more kids, I swear!'  
Dick didn't need to see Jason's face beneath the hood to know that his presence was not welcome. Growling, Jason gave Bobby a hefty kick to the gut before turning away in a huff.  
'Scram slime ball, before I change my mind.'  
Bobby didn't need telling twice. Dick had never seen a man beaten within half an inch of his life scramble to his feet and book it as fast as Bobby did. He had to admit it, his little brother did have a unique way of instilling motivation within the underworld.

'I wasn't gonna kill him, N.'   
Jason's stroppy tone dragged him back to the matter at hand and Dick nodded slowly.  
'Yeah, I know that. You gotta start trusting that I trust you, Little Wing. I just need to talk to you about something.'  
'I didn't do it.' Jason shot back automatically, he shoved his gun back into its holster. 'I gots an alibi. Ask Arsenal.'  
'Arsenal? You and him talking again?' Dick asked, eyebrow quirking in a genuine interest. All he got in response was a non committal shrug.   
'Helped out on a job. We're having a spring wedding, so pick out your hat, Goldie.'  
Nodding, Dick looked off down the alley before cocking his head questioningly at his brother.  
'Fancy getting some breakfast? Sun's coming up?'  
'I tells ya Dickhead, it ain't me and I dunna know nothin' a'right?' Jason stropped, before moving to shove Dick out of the way. His old accent was cutting through, and Dick winced, knowing that meant Jason was tired or holding on by a thread, sometimes both. He wanted to reach out but decided it was probably safer to hold his hands up instead.  
'I don't want information, Hood. I- I need your help okay?' Dropping his gaze, Dick swallowed thickly to try and ward off tears. 'I need my brother.'

Jason paused. Turning, he studied his brother for a long moment before nodding slowly.  
'Okay. Fine, whatever. I gots some bacon in and that coffee you like. Wanna ride?'  
Dick couldn't help but smile at the thought that Jason bothered to even have his favourite brand of coffee.  
'Yeah, go on then. But you drive sensibly Little Wing or I take over, understand?'  
Laughing, Jason offered Dick his hand with a cock of his head that was probably to replace the wink if he wasn't wearing his hood.  
'Pffft, like hell you are ever gonna get your grubby paws on my baby!'  
Dick couldn't hide his wince at that, almost losing control of his emotions. Pausing, he leant against a wall to compose himself.  
'Goldie?'  
A gloved hand slipped into his and squeezed tightly.  
'Come on Dickhead, lets go get that coffee yeah?'

The journey to Jason's safe house passed in a bit of a blur. Being able to cling on to his brother, even if it was just because he was riding a bike, felt too much like a hug for Dick. In all honesty, it was rarity that Jason allowed him to hug him so Dick selfishly took the comfort he wasn't actually being given and buried his face into Jason's shoulder blades, pushing himself up as close to his brother as he could. Jason either didn't notice or didn't mind because he just kept driving. Keeping to the speed limits and even slowing down before the traffic lights had even turned red.  
The comfortable silence was maintained as they scaled the fire escape and clambered through Jason's living room window. Dick didn't even feign surprise at his brother's neat and tidy living space. He just kicked off his boots before Jason could yell at him about it and went and sat down on the couch.   
A hoodless Jason wandered off towards the kitchen muttering away to himself about mess, taking Dick's boots with him. Dick let him faff, knowing his help making breakfast would only end in him being beaten with a spatula. Instead, he worked on removing his mask and sat it down on the coffee table with his gloves. He was quite content to let the silence between them drag on. That way, he didn't have to start the conversation about his own inadequacy.

The radio played from the kitchen and Dick relaxed back against the scatter cushions, letting his eyes wander the room. There were three photographs sat in frames on the bookshelf. That was new. Dick was the one who liked memories, Jason avoided them like the plague. Getting up, he sauntered over and a smile tugged at his lips. One was of himself, Jason and the rest of their siblings at Robinson Park last summer. Tim had bought a new camera and was adamant that he would take a nice picture of them all. It was kinda nice, sure they were all in headlocks but there was no blood and everyone was smiling, even Jason beneath Damian's foot. The next was Artemis and Bizarro sat in front of a lake, Jason in the middle, smiling again. Next to that was Jason lying on a beach, with Roy and Kori, smiling. Jason was happy in all three of these photographs.   
Dick almost cried, again. These were Jason's good memories. People he looked at on his bad days. He had come so far from the isolation he had forced himself into only a few years ago.  
Dick looked again at Jason with his first team of Outlaws. Focusing on Kori gazing up adoringly at Jason, her arms wrapped tightly around him and Dick's stomach twisted.  
All the people who loved Jason and who he loved in return.

'Yo Dickie? Grubs up!' Jason called, and Dick jumped clear out of his skin. 'Dick?'  
Turning, Dick forced another smile and noticed Jason standing by the couch with two bacon sandwiches, two mugs steaming away on the coffee table. Sitting back down, he took his plate from Jason with a nod of thanks and took a bite. It saved him having to say anything but Dear Lord it was hard not to groan at the ambrosia that was Jason's cooking. He did however have to pretend that he hadn't noticed the salad his brother had piled in there like he was feeding a malnourished random.   
The silence continued.  
'Did Kori miscarry?'   
And there Jason was, cutting straight to the core of the issue with as much finesse as a bulldozer. Small talk had never been a thing his brother had ever gotten the hang of.  
Taking a sip of his coffee, Dick shook his head, feeling awfully guilty that part him wished that was the case. That Kori had been pregnant, even for a short time. How sickeningly selfish could he be?  
'No.'

'Oh.' Frowning, Jason drank his tea thoughtfully and Dick noticed his brother's eyes travel to the photograph on the bookshelf. 'Sorry. I just, with your reaction to what I said and you know, I thought? Sorry.'  
'I went to the doctor's last week.' Dick managed to splutter before the tears he'd been trying to keep at bay hit him full force. Despite himself, he couldn't help but sob his heart out on his little brother's couch at 6 in the morning.  
'Dickie?'  
The coffee mug disappeared from his trembling hands and he blinked up through his tears to see Jason on his knees, gazing up at him in concern. That just made Dick feel ten times worse. Jason had enough to worry about, he didn't need his brother falling apart on him too.  
'Doctors? Dickie, are- are you sick?' Jason asked, panic hovering just behind his concern as he tried to wipe Dick's tears away. 'Dickie?'  
'I'm- I'm not sick. I went because, because Kori wasn't pregnant and I wanted to make sure it wasn't me.' Dick mumbled, watching the panic morph into confusion on Jason's face until finally the idiot looked down at his brother's crotch.  
'Oh.'  
'Yeah, oh, Little Wing.'

His brother's lack of social skills shone through when Jason blatantly stared at his crotch.  
'So, um, no baby?'  
Shaking his head, the twisting in his stomach loosened when he saw the disappointment on Jason's face.  
'Oh. O-okay. I guess that makes sense. It's- it's been years.' Jason muttered almost to himself. He looked so, upset? Jason had tears in his eyes. The reaction took Dick by surprise and he didn't know what to say. What could he say? Yeah,I can't knock my wife up, congratulations Little Wing you've been selected to give it a shot? Before he could even try and find words, a pair of arms wrapped around Dick and he was hauled onto the floor with Jason.  
'I'm so sorry Dickie.'  
Jason never hugged. Swallowing thickly, Dick raised his arms to participate in the hug and tried to regroup. This hadn't gone the way he thought it would and he started to wonder why he thought it would go any differently than this? It had been Jason who he had confided in when him and Kori had decided to try for a baby and Jason had been over the moon. Of course he would be devastated to learn that he wasn't going to get to be 'Uncle Jay-Jay'.

Pulling away, Jason sat back on the couch and reclaimed his tea.  
'Have you thought of using a donor at all? I don't mean to be hasty or anything. I know I jump ahead sometimes so just say if I'm-'  
'Yes Little Wing. That's what Kori and I have decided to do.'  
'Oh.' Sipping his tea again, Jason frowned slightly before giving a very firm nod. 'That's why you're here? To ask for my help?'  
Dick was pretty sure his heart had skipped a beat and he nodded dumbly, watching the excitement light up in Jason's eyes again.  
'Okay. Sure I'll help you Dickie. Let's see, Wally is an out right no and so's Garth. Ain't no niece or nephew of mine running circles around me or turning into weird animals. Um, oh, I can see why you need my help! Harper wouldn't be a good idea, um.'  
'You.' Dick supplied the answer, amused that Jason had assumed he needed help deciding who to ask.  
'Me. Wait, what?' Pausing in his rambling, Jason resembled a rabbit caught in headlights. 'Wait, you, you want me to help? As in help, help! Me?'

Nodding slowly, Dick watched the excitement turn into confused terror.  
'I'm your brother?'  
'Yeah and? That doesn't matter Jay. For Kori and I, that's better. We want to know the person who helps us not just have some random person.' Dick explained, realising that this social concept might be a bit beyond Jason's comprehension and he was cannonballing into incest hell. This was a bad idea, Dick had known from the start this was a bad idea and he wished Jason would just put him out of his misery and say no already.  
'Wouldn't Bruce be better?' Jason genuinely asked, and Dick almost choked on the damn air.  
'What! No! Ew! Jay why? What the hell are you on?'   
Jason frowned and set his tea down very pointedly as he ran through his suggestion again to try and work out where he had gone wrong.  
'Bruce would be better.' Jason repeated with a slight nod and Dick face palmed. This was such a horribly bad idea.  
'No, Little Wing, he would not be better. Bruce is our dad for crying out loud. That's a whole world of ew!'  
'So it's okay to ask me, your brother to knock Kori up but not Bruce? How does work?' Jason asked, his confusion growing by the second.

'Just, because, Jay okay? I'm asking you. I'm asking you because you're my brother and, it just seems right to ask you. After everything we're closer than we've ever been. You've stuck by your promise and never mentioned a word of this to anyone and I love you okay?'   
'I am good at secrets.' Jason stated with a small, sad smile and Dick inwardly groaned. Yes, his Little Wing was very good at keeping secrets, mainly very bad ones he cared not to remember.  
'It wasn't a secret Jay. Not like that. You promised not to tell anyone Kori and I were trying for a baby.' Dick reiterated, hoping to steer away from the murky waters that were Jason's secrets.  
Jason was very quiet for a moment, sighing he shook his head in defeat.  
'Whatever.'  
There was another painfully long silence and Dick was pretty sure his fingernails were now indented into his thighs. Just waiting for his brother's inevitable refusal.  
'So, you're asking me to fuck Kori again?'  
'No Jay that's not, wait, what?' Dick blinked in surprise and looked up to see Jason looking just as shocked as he was. 'When did you sleep with Kori?'

'Like ages ago? When it was me, her and Harper. Remember?'  
'Remember! I'd need to know to remember? What the hell?' Dick couldn't believe what he was hearing and he couldn't help but look back at the photograph on the bookcase. Jason followed his brother's line of sight and had the audacity to look hurt.  
'Kori never told you.' Jason mumbled, sounding practically heartbroken and Dick wanted to slap him.  
'Never mind Kori! Why didn't you tell me?' Dick demanded, he couldn't believe Jason was trying to pass the buck. He should have told him, they were meant to be brothers, friends now. Shaking his head, Jason folded his hands into his lap and sucked on his bottom lip.  
'I'm not fucking you? Why would I tell you? It never came up in conversation. Why did she miss me off the list? Kori forgot about me.'  
'List? What list? You and your damn lists Jason! The world does not revolve around lists!' Dick practically yelled, immediately regretting it when Jason winced and curled in on himself. Sure his world wasn't made up of lists but Jason's was. It's how he made sense of a world he sometimes found confusing, giving him a sense of control.  
'Kori and I didn't give each other a list of exes. We know most of it anyway and well, that's not how our relationship works. I didn't know and I lashed out. I'm sorry Little Wing.' 

Jason nodded and sucked on his lip for a moment before looking up at him hesitantly and Dick winced at the tears he saw in his brother's eyes.  
'Kori didn't miss me off the list, because she doesn't have one.'  
Nodding, Dick ran a hand down his face and just wanted the couch to swallow him up. Christ, Jason had slept with Kori. He didn't quite know how he was getting over that? Could he really deal with not only being useless, but having Jason as a donor knowing that him and Kori had slept with each other?  
'We were just friends.' Jason offered, before holding a hand up defensively when Dick went to snap at him again. 'We only ever were just friends. Kori was with Harper. They had the relationship. I slept with Kori just before they got together and during their relationship, sometimes, sometimes I joined in too. It- it wasn't, it wasn't kinky or anything like that. They were my friends and back then? Christ I'd just absconded from Arkham? My head was a mess. I couldn't cope with anything more than that. It was like, she was my friend and the sex was an extension of that?' Jason explained, his voice very monotone and Dick realised Jason was disassociating a little. Like he always did when talking about his past. 'Love was to painful to believe in but they accepted me anyway. They loved me anyway. Kori is my best friend who was there in the darkness.'

Dick listened to Jason's story, to the pain and love in his words and the jealousy died away. Kori had found Jason when he'd been so lost and helped bring him back. Kori wouldn't have mentioned Jason as one of her exes because he wasn't. The sex was comfort, communication, caring touches more than love and lust.   
Jason fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve during the long, heavy silence that preceded. Eventually it seemed to take its toll because Jason was suddenly up and standing in front of his bookcase. His gaze fixed on Kori.  
'If- if you wanna retract what you've asked of me? I'll understand. I'll be there for you both no matter what.'   
Dick nodded and pursed his lips, lost in his own thoughts and feelings. Everything so jumbled up he couldn't make sense of it. Every time he thought he had everything in order, the thoughts wiggled away out of his reach. Looking up, he watched Jason suck on his bottom lip, his hands fidgeting with whatever he could lay his fingers on. It reminded him of when Jason was in Arkham and staff asked him to do something or asked his opinion and he felt pressured to give an answer.  
'Do- do you want to Jay? I-I don't mind if you don't. This is your decision as well? Do you want kids of your own?'

Jason's eyes widened at Dick's last statement and he focused on his photographs again. Obviously giving what was being said a lot of thought.  
'I don't know.'  
Nodding, Dick opened his mouth to reply but was cut off when Jason turned to give him a very apprehensive look.  
'Can- can I have a think about it? It's- I'm not saying no, I just. I gotta think. I think you should think about this too. Now you know about Kori and me.'  
It wasn't a no. Jason hadn't said no.   
Swallowing, Dick's lips tugged upwards into a slight smile and he met his brother's gaze.  
'Yeah, yeah that sounds like a good idea Little Wing. Thank you.'

Jason smiled back and looked off towards the living room window. It was definitely morning now, the sun was high in the sky.  
'I um, I'm going to go take my meds and get some sleep. You staying or?'  
'Staying? If that's okay with you? Kori is out and I, erm-'  
'Don't wanna be alone. You can sleep on the couch. I'll get some blankets and shit from the bedroom.' Jason interjected, clearly laying down his typical boundary of wanting to sleep alone.  
Dick watched him leave and looked back at the picture of his brother with Roy and Kori with a renewed understanding. The big question doing loops in his head. Could he really handle Jason and Kori's history?


	3. Chapter 3

Jason's sleep was restless at best. During his waking hours, he had plenty of distractions to tide him over and it wasn't just his apartment that got his obsessive attention. Tim had had all of his WE work completed and Bruce was faced with no cold cases and crime in Gotham was down, even Damian was left wondering how all of his homework had magically been completed. Jason knew if he carried on, he'd have a concerned Batman on his doorstep demanding to know what was troubling him. He couldn't help it though, his mind was spinning constantly with thoughts of babies. Try as he might Jason couldn't figure out what he wanted. Deciding if he wanted to help Dick was one thing, but that wasn't what troubled him the most. It was what else his brother had asked him. Did he want children of his own? Jason had never thought about it until now. For weeks he had trawled the internet reading about babies, sperm donation and lurking in forums for people like him. People who had a mental illness but were also parents.  
As the internet commonly went, all Jason achieved was information overload and thousands of conflicting opinions. In the end, he had thrown his laptop against a wall in frustration. So now he was minus a laptop and no closer to reaching a decision. So Jason decided to ask his friends.

Artemis had been horrified at the mere thought of mini Jasons running around, and quite predictably was very vocal about her opinion. It wasn't anything Jason didn't know or that he wasn't already concerned about. Artemis' main concerns stemmed around his mental health or lack there of. What would he do on his bad days with a baby in tow? Children needed looking after, they were a whole truck load of pressure and stress. He wouldn't be able to just go to bed for a week and pretend the world didn't exist with a child crying to be fed and dressed, to be taken to school or the park.  
What happened is he had a psychotic episode? Artemis assured him she didn't believe that he would ever hurt a child, but what about how he behaved? How terrifying it would be for child to witness his distress. The hallucinations, the anger, the nightmares that ended with him screaming and clawing at himself. An adult finds seeing someone like that scary and intimidating.  
'I'm sorry Jay but- I just- I don't see this ending very well. It's not like you even know how to be a father. Please tell me you haven't impregnated someone?' Artemis asked, tears glistening in her eyes. Reaching out, Jason took her hands in his and kissed them with a small smile.  
'No.' He reassured her, strategically leaving off the 'not yet.' It was a secret, and he would keep Dick's secret as long as he needed to.  
'It's just been bothering me. Thank you, for being honest.'  
Jason almost left it there. Decision made. Until Bizzaro looked up from his game.  
'Me no agree.'

Quirking an eyebrow, Jason exchanged a look with Artemis and sauntered over to sit next to his friend. Picking up the second controller, he joined in on Bizzaro's game.  
'Why don't you agree? Do you think I should be a dad?' Jason asked, sucking on his bottom lip as he helped his friend reach the next level.  
'Bizzaro chooses Red Him and Red Her. Red Him good. Red Him already dad. More than the bad men when I was behind the glass. Me want be big brother. Red Him goods at caring. Good at loving. Baby needs loving. Bizzaro helps when Red Him sad and mad.' Bizzaro explained, attention entirely focused on his game.  
Jason blinked in surprise and looked down at Pup Pup resting against his own cushion with a biscuit. Sure he loved Bizzaro and Artemis like family, they were family in his eyes, but he'd never quite realised that that was how Bizzaro saw him. As a caregiver, a father. He wasn't sure what he thought about that.  
'Thank you big guy. I love you too.' Jason replied with a warm smile. Leaving the game again, he placed the controller down and scrambled back up to his feet. 'I'll see you later okay? Red Him has got a lot of thinking to do.'  
'Red Him think too much. That's problem.' Bizzaro replied, smiling as he waved Jason goodbye. 'Don't get squished Little One.' Artemis called out after him and Jason just rolled his eyes and blew her a kiss. Just to see her scowl.

Roy had been firmly on Bizzaro's side and had almost bounced out of the diner's booth in excitement when Jason said he was thinking about having a family of his own. He started jabbering away about what a good dad he would be. How his kids would be loved and mini bookworms just like Daddy Jay. How awesome he would look pushing a swing at the park, of the fun family dinners he would make. Jason forced a smile and nodded along. The picture Roy was painting sounded good, perfect even, but maybe a little too perfect. That had always been the issue in their relationship, Roy was all too keen to sit him on a pedestal made up of what Jason thought to be delusional hopes and dreams, like being a hero.  
'Maybe, on a good day.' Jason mumbled in reply, pushing one of his fries around with another one. He hoped that would give Roy some perspective, but it didn't. Leaning back against the booth, Roy folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

'Well yeah, but that's what support's for Jaybird. I'm sure your girl is willing to support you if your having a family together? Who is the lucky lady anyway?'  
'There is no lucky lady I-'  
'Oh' Frowning, Roy back tracked a bit before shaking his head. 'Jay come on, you know you have other people to rely on? It's hard being a single dad, I ain't gonna lie to ya, but you've got Dick and Kori, Artemis, what about me? I'm here for you whatever man.'  
'No. No there is no baby. I'm just, I'm just thinking about it is all.' Jason spat out through gritted teeth, Roy's optimism about his parenting abilities getting on every single one of his nerves. It took all of his self control not to yell at his friend and point out that sure, fatherhood may have dragged him back from the bring but it didn't exactly end very well? Jason knew that that thought was more than cruel and his gut twisted with the guilt of just thinking it.  
'I know, I know being a dad was the best thing in the world for you, Roy. I know you miss her but me having a kid would replace your loss. You made an awesome dad but, but I don't know if I can, if I want to be. Some days it takes all of my energy to get up and eat something.' 

The words hung in the air, mingling with the sounds of the steamer and clink of coffee cups. Lifting hesitant eyes, he looked up at Roy who would have been less pained if he'd punched him in the gut. 'I'm not you Harper. That's the problem with us. I'm not you, but you keeping making me out to be.'  
Nodding slightly, Roy wiped away a stray tear and watched the bustle of the streets outside thoughtfully.  
'If-If Lian, if she, if she was still here. Would-would there have ever been an us?'  
Somehow, that suddenly made all the pieces of the puzzle connect in Jason's head and he shook his head sadly.  
'I dunno. No, probably not. I wouldn't want her to get hurt.'  
'You wouldn't-'  
'How many black eyes have I given you Harper? I don't wanna end up like Willis.'  
Sighing, Jason let a couple of tears drop onto his cheeks. He loved the idea of going to the park, school pick ups, making funny faces out of pasta like his mamà used to do. To do something good. As much as he yearned for that life, that happiness, Jason knew that wasn't reality. Not for him. 

'I gotta go.' Roy mumbled, very obviously upset and disturbed about what Jason had said. Reaching into his pockets, he shoved a few bills on the table. 'It's my turn to pay for lunch. Don't bother calling.'  
Jason swallowed thickly and watched his bestest friend in the whole world slink out of the diner. He honestly hadn't felt this shitty about himself for a long time. He'd messed up big time saying such a stupid, thoughtless thing. Wordlessly, he followed Roy out onto the street but the man was long gone, no opportunity to apologise. He'd upset Roy and still felt just as lost as when he'd started this whole thing. 

Rounding around a corner Jason sank down onto the curb of the sidewalk and openly wept. Uncaring about who saw him and thought he was crazy. Jason already knew he was crazy and right now, the rest of Gotham finding out was way down his list of priorities.  
The internet hadn't helped, his friends hadn't helped, nothing was helping and he needed to give Dick an answer sooner or later. All he had achieved was destroying what little was left of his relationship with Roy. Wiping his eyes on the back of his hands, Jason took out his phone and stared at it long and hard. Dialling the number before he had a chance to over think his way out of it, Jason connected the call.  
'Hello, high security, staff nurse speaking, how may I help?'  
Came a familiar voice, and Jason's words got tangled up somewhere between his head and his mouth.  
'Hello? Can I help? You're through to Arkham?'  
'Stu?' Jason finally managed to vocalise, and he heard a very audible gasp over the phone. If he'd been in a better mood he'd have smirked.  
'I'm afraid Nurse Carter is not on shift right now.' Stu carried on speaking as if having an innocent conversation. Jason had to admit, the guy had to of been an actor in another life.

'No, I need, I need to talk to you.'  
'Mhm, okay, why is that the case?'  
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Jason leant forwards and kicked some small stones about with his boots.  
'You're a man.'  
'Uh huh.'  
'I need, I need to talk to a man.' Jason managed to force out through reluctant lips. He knew he sounded nuts, the request was far more linear and fluid in his head but some how it ended up stunted and awkward.  
'You're a nurse. You know about these things and no one else is helping.'  
'Okay, give me the details of the meeting and I shall attend.'  
Stu was very good. Batman had lost out when this guy went into nursing.

That evening, Jason was sat on a little cliff top on the outskirts of Gotham, looking over the city as he dangled his legs over the side. After Arkham this spot had grown to be one of his favourite spots that few knew about. He liked to come and practice mindfulness up here when his head was loud and he needed to just take some time out to ground himself again. A low hum of a car broke Jason's tranquility and he opened his eyes to listen to it. The vehicle stopped a few metres away and a car door opened and closed again.  
'Hello Stranger, long time no see?'  
Peering over his shoulder, Jason watched Stu walk over to him with the lazy, lopsided smile he remembered. He wore a well worn denim jacket with a Wonder Woman shirt beneath with matching red converse and jeans. There was a plastic document folder tucked under the man's arm. Jason nodded his greeting and watched Stu sit down next to him, giving the nurse a very odd look.

'What's up Jay?' Stu asked, raising an eyebrow at the confused looks he was being given and Jason blushed and immediately averted his gaze.  
'You look weird. Like a normal person.'  
Stu gave a deep, gravelly chuckle and leant back on his elbows.  
'Sorry to disappoint Jay but you really don't want me wearing my uniform. The stuff I got on that today, besides, us nurses are normal people, just like you.'  
'I ain't normal.' Jason shot back and Stu smacked his lips in response.  
'Ah, we're in that mood are we?'  
'What mood?' Jason practically spat, pouting in a way that could only be described as endearing.  
'Argumentative 'oh woe is me' mood. That's the professional term of it.' Stu replied, his smile growing when Jason opened his mouth to argue back before sighing and lying back against the grass as well. 'So, how are we doing?'  
'Stressed.' Jason replied, shaking his head he sat up a little to look at Gotham again. 'I'm tired and stressed and my everything hurts.'  
'You sleeping?'  
Shaking his head, Jason gave him a noncommittal shrug.  
'What about your meds? You still taking those Jay?' Stu asked, lifting an eyebrow when Jason paused for a moment before screwing up his face.  
'Sometimes? I try to take 'em but sometimes I forget. Look, I set an alarm to try and get me to remember. I am trying!' Jason explained, digging out his phone to show Stu the alarm as proof.  
'I'm glad to hear it.'

The smallest smile tugged at Jason's lips at the praise, he hadn't given a genuine smile for a little while. This was what Stu did, he had a way of just making everything sound less of a catastrophe and more like a small 'whoops'.  
'So, how did we get ourselves all worked up hmm?' Stu asked with his lopsided smile and Jason shrugged again.  
'I've - I've been thinking about me having kids.' He mumbled, shooting Stu a wary look. The nurse nodded as if the information didn't come as a surprise, his brow furrowed slightly in thought.  
'Right? I thought Dick had asked you to be a sperm donor?'  
Jason sailed clearly by Stu's confusion and nodded along as if those two things going together made complete sense.  
'Yeah. And, and I dunno? I never thought about kids before?'  
Chuckling, Stu shook his head and reached out his hand which Jason studied for a moment, before finally taking hold of it, teal eyes wide and searching for his answer.  
'Jay, you've been very poorly, you get that yeah? You've been so focused on getting yourself better, when on earth would you have had the time to worry about kids eh?

'I just- I want to be normal. I want to be normal and want normal things.'  
'Normal person huh? You're gonna have to show me one of those Jay.' Stu replied, following Jason's gaze out towards the city.  
'Do you want children because you want to be a dad, or because you believe it will make you normal? Because am telling you now Jay, kids won't make your illness go away. In fact, I'd suggest a robust support network to help you.'  
'Normal people don't need a support network.'  
'Sure they do. Every parent needs help sometimes or a break. What Im saying Jay, is that I can help make sure things go well.'  
Pausing, Stu cocked his head at Jason, watching how the boy sucked on his lip and didn't seem overly thrilled or positive about anything that had just been said.  
'I know that. It's just- I dunno. Of course I like the idea of kids? Of doing all the fun stuff, but life ain't fun Stu? It never has been.' Pausing, Jason shook his head and gave the nurse a very sad and disheartened look.  
'Jay, your decision to have kids and your decision to help Dick are two different things. There is nothing stopping you helping Dick and Kori conceive and then having children of your own one day. Nothing.'

Jason pursed his lips and shook his head. Despite the young man's words it was quite clear that he didn't like the idea of being a father, even if he hadn't realised that yet.  
'Do you want to be an uncle Jay?'  
'I do want to be an uncle.' Jason replied almost instantly, a spark igniting behind very tired eyes. 'All I've thought about since Dickie told me. I've made a whole list of what I'm gonna do to be a good uncle. I can do that. I know I can. I just- I don't know if I can be a dad. I hardly have a good track record with dads. I think I could be an uncle though.'  
'Okay, and what about helping Dick? Being a sperm donor for him?' Stu asked, as usual asking the question with little qualms or awkwardness. Jason blinked back at him for a long time. Totally taken aback. It had only been then that he'd realised his thoughts had spiralled off on a tangent. This wasn't about him wanting children of his own at all.  
'Yeah. I think so. As long as I don't have to fuck Kori. That would be, it would be too close. But I think I can ask to go to the clinic? Dick mentioned a clinic. The doctors just collect a sample. I could do that. Be like doing a drug screen but filling the pot with a different fluid is all.' Jason explained, his confidence growing when Stu smiled brightly and nodded along. 'I just. I just want to be an uncle though? I can't- I don't want the mess of being Dick's kid's dad. Anyone's dad. Not yet, maybe not ever.'

'You can do that Jay. At the clinic, you can sign legal papers that remove your parental rights and transfer them to Dick. You'd just be an uncle. Here, I know you've trawled the net but knowing you, you went straight to the PHD jargon, so I've printed off the basics for you. All you need to know.' Stu explained, offering the file of information to Jason, who smiled gratefully and took it.  
'How did you know I'd want to do it?'  
Chuckling, Stu watched Jason pullout the information and sift through it. The boy would never understand the effect he had on him, on his nursing career. This boy was the reason he put on his uniform every morning and smiled at his reflection in the mirror.  
'I didn't. I just came prepared.'  
'Vigilanteism and nursing have a lot in common.' Jason replied, glancing up at Stu with a mischievous twinkle on his eye and the nurse couldn't help but laugh.  
'Ha, yeah. You're right, there Jay.'  
Jason nodded and went back to reading the information he'd been given. This stuff was easier to read, it was written specifically for someone thinking of becoming a sperm donor. His eyes fell on a section about prescribed medication and his stomach dropped.  
'Meds.' He mumbled.

Raising an eyebrow at Jason's dejected expression, Stu shook his head and sat up to look at him properly.  
'Your meds shouldn't be an issue Jay. You're not on anything that effects your fertility.'  
'Resperidone.' Jason replied quietly, cheeks flushing bright red as he motioned to his crotch. 'Kinda single at the mo'.'  
Stu's blood ran cold and memories of rushing a critically unwell Jason to the ICU flashed back.  
'What are you doing taking anti-psychotics Jason? I know Dr Thompkins won't have prescribed them for you. Not without medical supervision. Where did you get Resperidone from?' Stu asked, his tone taking a more authoritative air that gave no room for argument.  
'Places? I kinda have links with the drug circuit, heh.' Jason half joked with a very sad half smile. 'I had the injection before and I was okay? It was the other injection that made me ill. I'm taking a small dose, just tablets. I had to. Whilst-whilst Tim was dead? And I was with Artemis and Bizzaro? I saw- I ended up where I died and I saw myself, Robin. He-he said I was better off dead and I agreed. I agreed Stu! I can't get ill again you don't understand! Getting ill again is more terrifying than anything the Joker did.' Gasping a breath, Jason sucked on his lip and rubbed his eyes for a minute before looking up at Stu tearfully. 

Stu struggled to keep a calm expression whilst listening to how distressed Jason had been, all alone, he'd gone back to that awful place again and it it made Stu feel physically ill. Nodding, the nurse swallowed and forced a small smile.  
'You can't get an erection. Hmm, I see your problem.'  
'Yeah.' Jason deadpanned, his hand unconsciously resting over the fly of his jeans. 'I-I think I'm okay now. Tim's back, we got the bow back and I've been having some down time. I'll come off them. For Dickie.'  
Nodding along, Stu shrugged a shoulder, pulling up blades of grass as he thought about Jason's situation before continuing.  
'Should be okay to stop. If it's just a low dose and you feel stable enough. Resperidone has a 20 hour half life so at a guess? I'd say it will take less than 5 days to clear out of your system. Although, do I really need to tell you that tapering it off is better than cold turkey?'  
Nodding, Jason picked at the dirt beneath his nails before glancing back at the nurse in gratitude.  
'Thank you.'

'No probs. Here whenever dude, you know that.' Stu replied, hauling himself up to his feet, he cocked his head. 'Come on. I'm beat after a 12 hour shift and you look like you're in serious need of something to eat and a good long bath. How about we order pizza and you stay with me tonight yeah? Recharge those batteries and all that jazz. If you're really unlucky, Tracy might join us for a sleepover too.'  
Jason wrinkled his nose and thought the offer over. He'd never been to Stu's place before. It was new and he wasn't sure if new was something he wanted to do. However, the promise of company and not only company, but Stu and Tracy? Two of the few people he knew were safe? Well, that was more than a little tempting.  
'Okay. But if it gets weird or chick flicky I'm leaving.'  
Chuckling Stu, nodded and wondered over to unlock his car knowing that Jason would follow.  
'Ha, ha, if it ends up like that? I'm right behind you Jay.'  
Pausing, Jason frowned and shook his head in exasperated confusion.  
'It's your place? Why would you leave?'  
'It was a joke, Jay.'

'Oh.'  
Jason's frown increased before he just sighed and sauntered over to his bike and retrieved his helmet. Running his hands over it, he chewed on his lip and looked back at Stu.  
'Can- can we talk some more at your place? I erm, I need to apologise to Harper. I also get that wrong, but maybe, maybe you could give me some pointers of what not to say or say, whatever.'  
Stu paused, that infuriating smile Dick wore whenever he mentioned Roy suddenly found its way onto the nurse's face. Jason sighed.  
'Harper? As in Roy Harper?'  
'Yeah. Stop smiling like that. It ain't like that. Why does everyone think it's like that?'  
Much to Jason's annoyance, the smile just grew and Stu winked at him.  
'Lovers tiff then?'  
'I-I told him that - he pushed and pushed. He always - I told him I'd never have gotten involved with him if Lian had still been alive.'  
The smile fell. Shaking his head, Stu ran a weary hand down his face with a groan.  
'Oh you moron!'  
'That's not professional Stu!'  
'Neither's meeting up with absconded patients and inviting them around for dinner?'


	4. Chapter 4

It had been over a month since he'd last heard from Jason and Dick had hoped the time apart would settle things in his head, but it didn't. At first he'd tried to talk to Kori about it but some how 'did you sleep with my brother?' turned into 'I love you, I'm sorry.' His marriage was showing the strain. He knew Kori and Jason's relationship wasn't conventional. It never had been. His new found knowledge shouldn't be that much of a shock, but it was. Despite everything, he still wanted Jason to say yes. For him to help them have a baby and that just confused him even more. How could he want that and be so hurt about his brother sleeping with his wife and never telling him? It made no sense. Lips brushed against his chest, jolting him back to reality and Dick gulped a lungful of air. 

Kori smiled up at him and nibbled on his nipple, making him gasp and dig his fingers into her hair.  
'Kori!'  
'Mhm?' Kori replied, a playful smirk on her face until her hands slipped beneath the covers and her smile fell.  
'Richard?'  
Dick closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, his cheeks burning in shame. This was becoming far too common now. It's not that he didn't want to have sex, he really, really did, but that's not what Little Dick thought.  
'I'm sorry.' Dick croaked, turning his face into the pillow in shame knowing the pity and disappointment he'd see on Kori's face.  
'Richard? It's okay. Look at me?' Kori soothed, hands moving from his crotch to smooth over his chest, and she kissed his cheek so gently it hurt. 'It's okay Richard. I understand.'  
'No, you don't. I'm sorry. I do love you.' Dick mumbled into the pillow, hot tears burning against his eyes. Kori carried on stroking and kissing and he didn't understand why she was so accepting.  
'I know it doesn't mean you don't love me. We don't have have to have sex to be intimate. Sometimes, Jason-'  
'Jason!' 

Turning sharply out of the pillow, Dick glared at a very shocked Kori and pried her hands off himself like she was burning him.  
'What? He could pleasure you more than me, huh? Is that it? Good old Jason. Not only can he give you a baby, he can get it up on demand too! Gee whizz, why don't you just go ahead and fucking marry him!' Dick yelled, fists clenching and Kori flinched away with a shriek.  
'Richard? Please, you're frightening me!' Kori pleaded softly, her eyes glowing in preparation to defend herself. Dick blinked, he looked from his clenched fists to Kori cowering away from him and his heart broke. Shaking his head, he quickly scrambled out of bed and started pulling on his clothes.  
'I-I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Kori!' Dick rambled on repeat, tears blurring his vision as he stuffed whatever belongings he could find into his rucksack.  
'Richard? Please, just tell me what's going on?' Kori begged, energy beginning to crackle around her as her distress grew. 'Please don't do this. Don't leave me!'  
'I'm not leaving you!' Dick snapped angrily, wiping away his tears he hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and leant down to kiss Kori's forehead softly. 'I just can't be here. I need- I need to clear my head. I'm sorry Kori. You deserve better.'  
'Where will you go?' Kori whispered, stroking his cheek she let out a heart wrenching sob.  
'Roy's?' Dick rasped. 'I'm sorry Kori.'  
'Please, just stop saying sorry, Richard.'  
Shaking his head, Dick turned and walked out of the door.  
Out of his and Kori's life.  
Just out.

Somehow, Jason's apology to Roy hadn't quite gone according to plan. It had been a good plan. Stu and Tracy had helped make it, so it was fool proof. It hadn't gone badly, but then the jury was still out as to whether it was going to end well. Although his plan was a nice civil discussion, Jason had barged into Roy's apartment, swiped the scotch out of the idiot's hands and poured it down the sink. Roy had yelled at him, he had yelled back. Things were said, punches were thrown, the plan went out of the window, and right on cue, someone ended up pinned on the couch. That someone this time around had been Jason. That was when he'd said he was sorry. It had been worded perfectly. Stu an Tracy had helped him come up with it and he'd practiced the entire way over to make sure he got it right. Jason was pretty sure he'd got it right. Well, in his experience, people didn't kiss you if they were still mad at you. 

Jason gasped when Roy slid his hand inside his jeans. He hadn't even noticed him undoing his belt. His cheeks burned when he felt Roy palm at his soft cock and he shook his head.  
'Jaybird, you wanna do this?'  
Jason nodded not daring to even try and look at Roy. There was a soft sigh, and lips caressed his collar bone as the hand withdrew from his pants.  
'Hey, look at me.' Roy mumbled, nipping at Jason's earlobe to get him to comply. As usual the action worked and Jason turned to look at him warily.  
'It's just the meds.' He explained, cheeks a deep red .'I'm stopping 'em, but it ain't helped yet.'  
Roy nodded along and gave Jason a reassuring smile. Resperidone. He couldn't believe Jason had been taking that again but then the thought as to why he would have taken it made Roy feel sick so he just shoved it to one side.  
'We good now though? Yeah?'  
Nodding, Jason sucked on his lip and Roy was transfixed by the flesh being sucked in and out of his Jaybird's mouth. This was hardly new ground, there was a whole array of different reasons as to why Jason couldn't always get an erection. Medication, trauma, stress, the list went on. Sometimes, even if he could maintain one, Jason ended up not being able to climax. It had never stopped them enjoying each other in the past and like hell it was going to stop them now.  
'Guess that's solved the who's topping argument. Darn, I was looking forward to throwing you around some more.' Roy grumbled, his mischievous smirk betraying his teasing. Growling, Jason slapped him hard on the bicep.  
'Shut up, you fuck!'  
'Oh don't worry Jaybird. I'm gonna fuck you alright. Just be patient, let's have some fun first.'  
Jason gasped and his toes curled in anticipation. This was the plus side of not being able to get hard, Roy could make foreplay go on and on for hours.

As with all highs, what goes up, must come down. Snuggling into Jason's chest, Roy drew the blankets further around them both and gave a tired yawn. This was a good down though, he never felt shitty after flying high with Jason, even if he was an asshole sometimes.  
'Night Jaybird.'  
'Go the fuck to sleep, Harper.' Jason grumbled, moving his arm to hug the man closer. 'Need sleeps. Nurse said so.'  
Arching an eyebrow at that, Roy chuckled and gave another yawn.  
'Ah, so that's why you're seeing sense? Just don't go bringing around that nurse again. Last time she made me drink water.'  
'Better than scotch asshole.'  
'Fuck.'  
'Can't.'  
The lazy, half hearted argument carried on until eventually, they both drifted off into dreamland.

The sound of knocking startled Roy awake. His mind immediately worrying that Jason had woken up and was doing something that well, only Jason would understand the purpose off. Oh Jesus please, let him not be nailing the front door shut again. Taking a deep, calming breath, Roy rolled over to see that Jason was still by his side, dead to the world with his face smushed into the pillow. Obviously the nurse had meant it when she told him he needed to sleep. The idiot had probably got himself wound up about something and not actually slept for days again. The knocking echoed through the apartment. It was his door. Someone was at the door. Frowning, he pulled the digital clock from where he'd hidden it under the bed and realised that it was three in the morning. His stomach twisted and he glanced back over at Jason sleeping soundly, oblivious to the commotion going on outside. Whoever it was needed to stop banging before they triggered Jason into a nightmare.

Decision made, Roy got up and padded over to his door, swiping Jason's gun from where it lay on the floor as he passed. Clicking off the safety, Roy unlocked the locks and swung the door open, gun aimed and ready to shoot.  
'Go ahead, shoot me.'  
Blinking, Roy lowered the gun, flipped the safety back on and just stared. Dick was stood on his doorstep. He looked like shit with tear stained cheeks and deep shadows beneath his eyes.  
'Dick?' Gasping, Roy clocked the rucksack on his friend's back and his heart sank. 'I'm guessing you need a place to stay?'  
Nodding, Dick wiped at his eyes and plodded in after Roy.  
'I had to get out. My head- it's such a mess, Roy. I dunno what to do.'  
Roy paused and studied Dick for a moment, before noticing Jason's discarded belongings and collecting them up he made a hasty exit to the bedroom.  
'I erm, I'll be right back just, stand there and don't touch anything.'  
Dick arched an eyebrow at that and his eyes raked up and down his best friend's body before nodding.  
'Okay? Guess pants would be a good idea I suppose. Married man and all that.'  
Freezing, Roy's eyes widened, only now releasing that he had answered the door nude.  
'Yeah, yeah, um, be right back.' Closing the door, Roy dumped Jason's belongings by the bed and studied Jason still sleeping in a tight ball, drool pooling on the pillow. Closing his eyes, Roy just prayed that Jaybird would stay asleep long enough for him to de-escalate Dick.

Dick shuffled about on the spot as he waited for Roy to make himself decent. Why he was so adamant he had to stay standing was beyond him. Deciding to ignore the instruction, he set down his rucksack and wandered over to the kitchen in search of a glass of water.  
'Oh no.' Dick muttered, tears brimming in his eyes again, he spotted the empty bottle of scotch in the sink. Lifting his head, he realised how blind and self-obsessed he had been. The apartment was trashed. Glass and broken plates littered the kitchen floor and the living room was in disarray, furniture and belonging toppled over and strewn on the floor.  
'I thought I said to stay put Dick?' Roy chided as he strode in, thankfully dressed in yoga pants. Swallowing thickly, Dick noted the black eye, the split lip, the bruises sound his friend's neck that seemed an awful lot like fingers.  
'Rough night?' Dick choked, hoping against hope that Roy wouldn't lie to him.  
Lifting his head, Roy smiled and shrugged a shoulder casually.  
'Yeah, guess you could say that. Just the usual mouthy punk needing to chill, you know?'

Nodding, Dick's already aching heart cracked more and he lifted the bottle of scotch from the sink.  
'Yeah. I know. Funny, I came here to talk, because I need to talk to my friend, my best friend. Only to find that he is lying to me again.'  
Roy stared at the bottle, jaw slack in shock before he averted his gaze and ran a hand down his face.  
'I'm not drunk, Dick. I swear.'  
'You swear? What's this then Roy? Soda? What about the state of the apartment? The state of you? Get your story straight man 'cause I'm all out of patience tonight.' Dick yelled, not missing how Roy startled and glanced towards the bedroom door anxiously.  
'Okay, okay. I was upset and angry. I bought the scotch, I admit that, but I didn't drink it. Look at me? I'm sober. I ain't touched nothin'. Please, stop yelling at me okay? I'm being straight wit' ya.'  
Frowning, Dick sniffed at the sink before stalking over to Roy and grabbing him by the chin and titling his head up, studying the dilation of his pupils. Bending down further, Dick smelt Roy's breath and hair, noting that he smelt of nothing untoward, except sweat and maybe sex?  
'Fine. What's the deal then Roy? Who attacked you?' He asked, releasing his grip to run a thumb over his friend's split lip in concern.  
'Just a mouthy punk, like I said.'

Shaking his head, Dick bought it and went to sit down on the couch.  
'No! Don't sit there!' Roy suddenly yelped, memories of what he'd done to Dick's little brother on that exact same spot came flooding back. 'It um, there's broken glass there, yeah, broken glass. Very sharp.'  
Dick paused in a half crouch and looked down at the couch before shrugging and moving to pull up a chair at the kitchen table.  
'No! Not there either!'  
Pausing, Dick arched an eyebrow, a small smirk tugging at his lips.  
'Let me guess, more broken glass? Where can I sit then Roy?'  
Roy swallowed and looked around his apartment. Seriously? How many surfaces had him and Jason actually used in one night? This had to be some sort of personal record.  
'Um, on the floor? In front of the TV. But not the rug, please, please don't touch the rug.' Roy instructed, his eyes yet again, glancing over at his bedroom door. Nodding, Dick shrugged and sat down on the patch of carpet Roy indicated and studied his friend curiously.  
'Okay, I'm calling bullshit here. Who's the booty call Roy?'

Roy blinked back in what he probably thought was innocently, but to Dick it's just looked like a pained grimace.  
'Give it up. The bruises around your neck are fingerprints and there's no broken glass on your couch. You've pulled the same line since we were kids.' Dick teased, playing this game of Cluedo with Roy was at least lifting his spirits slightly. Roy gulped and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.  
'Um, Steve? Yeah, his name's Steve.'  
'Steve?' Dick parroted, his eyebrows slowly disappearing into his hairline.  
'Yeah, Steve, you wouldn't like him. He's um, tall, dark hair, erm, ex-Navy Seal. He's cocky, likes shooting things and blowing them up. Has little regard for police procedure, erm-'  
'Roy?' Dick interrupted Roy and cocked his head to one side with a half smile.  
'Are you honestly telling me you're sleeping with Steve from Hawaii 50?'  
Cursing, Roy buried his head in his head in his hands and slumped down to the floor next to his friend. Dick watched him for a few moments, studying the cuts and bruises and anger started to bubble in his gut again.

'Jason's here isn't he? He did this to you!'  
'Ssh, not so loud. Yes okay? Just please, keep it down.' Roy begged, clutching hold of his friend's shoulders desperately. Dick frowned and traced his finger over the bruises on Roy's neck, watching how the man shuddered and looked away.  
'You're frightened of him?'  
'Jesus, I ain't some beaten woman, Dick!' Roy hissed angrily, letting go of his shoulders he crossed his arms over himself. 'It's -It's not like that okay? Jaybird found me with the scotch. Let's just say he's, um, a little more heavy handed than you.'  
'Roy that's no excuse to-'  
'We're broken.' Roy blurted out, tears of his own wetting eyes. 'We're both broken, Dick? We both have a temper and a short fuse. Jason's in the same shape as I am.' Roy mumbled, his cheeks burning in shame as he admitted it. Admitted what both of them had done tonight, had been doing for years now. That they both needed that release.  
'Are- are you and him- are you and Jason together again?'  
Shaking his head, Roy frowned in confusion and looked up at Dick quizzically.  
'No. We're just friends? Jay only started speaking to me properly again a few months ago. Kinda lucky really, Bruce is still on the maybe list after all.'  
'So he's using you.' Dick muttered bitterly, before scrambling back up to his feet. 'Look, I'm gonna go. It's clear you don't want me here when Jason's here so- I'll go stay with Wally or something.'

Shaking his head, Roy reached out and grabbed hold of his friend by the wrist and gave him a long probing stare.  
'Not so fast buddy. First I have Jason teetering on the edge. Obsessed about babies. Now you rock up clearly having walked out on Kori. Then you start getting all judegy and angry about Jason. Don't play me for a fool Dick. You're gonna sit back down like a good boy and tell me what the hell's going on. That or I put an arrow in both your heads.'  
'Roy, I can't- I can't face Jason. Not now.' Dick argued, tugging desperately to free himself from Roy's iron tight grip but it was pointless.  
'Well, if you quit your hollering he won't wake will he? Jay ain't been sleeping, the nurse said so, he ain't waking until morning unless you wake him Dick.' Roy pointed out, pulling his friend down until Dick hit the floor with a thrump. Blinking, Dick swallowed and looked back at the bedroom, his anger quickly dissolving into concern.  
'Jay? Nurse? Is he alright? He's my brother Roy, please tell me if he's alright!' Dick yelled, eyes widening as his desperation grew. Sighing, Roy slapped a hand over Dick's mouth and nodded.  
'He's fine, Dick. Nothing a good nights rest won't fix, and trust me, he's plenty tired enough to achieve it.'  
Grimacing, Dick nodded, his eyes roaming around the room before finally resting on the couch.  
'Lovely image there Roy, thanks.'  
'No probs, now start singing Dickiebird before I sharpen my arrows!'

Sighing, Dick closed his eyes and swallowed down a knot of tears. He started from the beginning. Roy didn't know about him and Kori trying for a baby, so he thought it best to start with that and then move on to the entire mess it had turned into. His infertility, asking Jason, finding out about his brother and Kori and his entire conflicting and confusing feelings about it all. Roy to his credit took it all in with a thoughtful crease deepening across his forehead. It made sense why Jason had been rambling on about babies now. Jason had known all along, but had been unable to talk openly about it. Out of the entire situation, that was what made Roy want to punch Dick in the face. Dick knew better than to ask Jason to keep a damn secret.  
'So, you left Kori because she slept with Jason? Pretty harsh dude. It was ages ago. I was the one actually in a relationship with her, yet here you are wanting to sleep on my couch? It wasn't like that between them. It was- I dunno, healing sounds too hippie but it was more like that than lust, you get me? When Jaybird came into our bed it's because he needed someone, to not feel alone, to- God to just be reassured. Even if he didn't quite understand that was what he wanted back then. Half the time he couldn't even consent to sex anyhow? He wasn't well Dick. It was more cuddles and touching than anything sexual.' Roy offered the explanation he was quite sure he wasn't actually qualified to give. He wasn't a shrink. His words seemed to sink in and Dick nodded slowly, lifting his eyes to look around the room again.  
'Yeah, I think, I don't know, but I think I understand? Kind of?' 

Sighing, Dick shook his head and crossed his arms over himself.  
'If I'm honest? I think having a go at Jason for Kori is just an excuse. I think I'm jealous Roy? I'm jealous of Jason. He's a more of a man than I am and- and well he's the mentally ill one? I know it sounds really shitty but, yeah, that's it.'  
Yeah, it was really shitty, but Dick managed to avoid Roy's arrow because the more prominent reaction was confusion. Roy supposed that Dick knowing he was infertile would play with his view of his own masculinity, but why was all of this aimed at Jason? Sure, he knew Dick would never have asked him after Lian, but what about Wally?  
Dick looked over at the couch again and a tear dropped onto his cheek. Roy frowned.  
'Not only can Jay give Kori a baby, he can have sex with her too! It's not fucking fair Roy!'  
'Huh?' Roy's frown increased and he followed his friend's gaze to the couch. 'Pretty sure you're the one currently sleeping with Kori, dude.'  
Chuckling bitterly, Dick shook his head, his cheeks bleeding into a deep red.  
'No I'm not. I can't. I can't get it up Roy. Not since I found out about me not being, y'know? I want to, God I want to, but I just can't. Tonight, Kori had the gaul to start going on about Jason and I walked out. I couldn't just lie there and listen about Jason's superiority.' Pausing, Dick took in a very shaky breath and his gaze roamed the room again. 'Then I come here, and Jason's stamina is almost quite literally, rubbed in my face.'

He couldn't keep face anymore. An horrendous sound that was some sort of sob/whimper hybrid erupted from his lips and Dick fell into a puddle of tears. Eyes widening, Roy looked around his living room and he couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. Not just a polite chuckle but a full on belly laugh that had him clutching his sides for fear of splitting apart.  
'Well, I'm glad you find this so fucking funny!' Dick spat angrily through his tears. Shaking his head, Roy finally managed to compose himself.  
'Sorry, just, Jason being some sort of rampant rabbit? Oh my God, that is just hilarious.' Roy chuckled, winking at Dick's confounded expression, at least he'd stopped crying now.  
'Sex is hard for Jay, Dick. It's a big deal for him. I ain't going into the reasons as that's Jaybird's business, but between me and you? It's real hit and miss as to whether Jay can get an erection, even if he does? Sustaining one and reaching climax? That's pretty few and far between.'  
Shaking his head, Dick screwed up his face and waved his arms around him like some sort of windmill.

'I ain't no damn fool, Roy! Explain the fuck fest in here then huh? You told me you weren't gonna lie to me.'  
Arching an eyebrow, Roy shook his head and sighed in exasperation.  
'You said it yourself Dick? Just 'cause Jay ain't hard don't mean he ain't interested? Penetrative sex ain't the only sex you can have, man? In a way, that's the plus side? It's like being kids again, hours of heavy make out sessions and foreplay. Like, obviously penetrative sex with Jay and me is easier 'cause he just bottoms but, there is such a thing as toys Dick? You just gotta be creative. Jaybird will always have a bit of an issue sbut you will probably find things sort themselves out when you've de-stressed? The point here is to not make an issue of it and just have fun anyway. Am guessing that's what Kori was tryin' to tell ya before you stormed off?'  
Dick felt his stomach drop with clarity. Of course. That made more sense than Kori rubbing his nose in it, she'd been trying to de-catastrophise what was happening to him. Guilt pooled in the empty place where his stomach had once been. He had felt jealous of his brother and perceived own his wife as being shallow and heartless.  
'I really wouldn't blame Kori and Jason refused to talk to me again. I've been such, well, such a dickhead.' Dick mumbled, another sob threatening to escape when Roy wrapped his arms around him in silent support.

'Dickface more like!' Came a very deep, gravelly grumble.  
Peering over Roy's shoulder, Dick's eyes widened at the realisation that they were no longer alone. Despite Roy's claim that his brother was 'fine' all evidence was to the contrary.  
Jason was leant against the door frame clad in just a pair of boxer shorts that were rather skewed on his hips. As Roy had said, his body was littered with an array of bruises and hickeys but that wasn't what told Dick that his brother wasn't fine. It was how waxy, pale and thin Jason looked, the deep, dark circles under his eyes. Whatever it was Jason had been up to these last few weeks, self care, had not been one of them.  
'Jay? Go back to bed. Dick's fine.' Roy whispered softly, dragging Dick back from his thoughts. Lifting his head, Jason raked his eyes up and down his brother with a very disbelieving expression.  
'Sort ya head out, and yes.' Jason said blankly, before moving further into the apartment as if heading for the kitchen.  
'Huh?'  
Pushing Roy away lightly, Dick stumbled up to his feet and walked over to his brother. Jason paused and blinked back at him, apparently confused that he hadn't been understood.  
'My answer is yes. I'll help you, but you gotta talk to Kori, Richard. Sort y'self out 'cause this? This ain't what a kid should be brought into. The kid will already be born with my faulty genes, a broken home will just send them to hospital. Like me. I won't do that.' Jason explained with a slight nod, watching Dick just stare at him in shocked silence. 'Dick? Dickie what'd I do? Harper, Dick is acting weird make him stop.'

A small smirk tugged at Roy's lips and he got up to pat Dick on the shoulder and leaned across to kiss Jason's forehead.  
'I think you've just made his world, Jaybird, that's what you did.' Turning back to his friend, Roy swatted Dick around the ear with a chuckle. 'Earth to Dick? Wanna say something?'  
'Your genes aren't faulty.'  
Blinking, Jason frowned and looked at Roy for an explanation but received nothing but an unhelpful shrug.  
'What Dickie?'  
Raising his eyes, Dick gave him a very serious look, his chest ached and he just wanted to hold his brother in his arms and beg for forgiveness.  
'Your genes aren't faulty, Little Wing.' He repeated, tears brimming in his eyes as he looked at his brother's bemused expression. 'Thank you Little Wing, thank you so much. I'm sorry for being awful to you.'  
Jason was silent for a long time and just stared at his brother before sighing heavily and pulling him into an awkward hug until Dick took over and shifted them into a more comfortable position.  
'You ain't been awful. Like, the shit you said tonight was pretty awful but I get it. It's okay.'

'How much did you hear?' Dick asked, suddenly feeling very nervous about what his brother had actually heard.  
'All of it. From when you yelled about not wanting to see me and Harper told you to shut up and not wake me? I kinda just stayed in bed. You said you didn't want to see me, so I respected that.'  
Dick nodded slowly and tried so hard not the facepalm, Jason had at least tried to do the right thing by staying in bed, even if he had been eavesdropping the entire time. Jason slid his gaze across to Roy and raised a disapproving eyebrow. 'Thanks for making me sound like I'm broken!'  
Roy did an impression of a goldfish and Dick rested a a hand on his shoulder and gave his brother a warm smile.  
'No he didn't, it's okay Little -'  
'I ain't broken! I can do what you asked me to do. I know I can. Because I wanna and I do what I wanna do. No ifs not buts no coconuts. I'm my own man. I make my own choices.'Jason carried on, his scowl increasing as time went on. Noticing how his ex-boyfriend (was Jason still his ex?) rapidly beginning to spiral, Roy cleared his throat and shot Jason a very firm look.  
'The nurse said you had to sleep Jay, why are you awake?'

Jason floundered for a moment, a blush colouring his cheeks as he shuffled about on the spot anxiously.  
'I-I need a glass of water? I need to take my meds, I forgot.' He muttered, peering up at Roy through his eyelashes who just blinked at him blankly.  
'You telling me you ain't taken 'em today? The hell Jaybird!' Roy lightly scolded before pausing as a thought came to him. 'Oh no. No! Do not tell me you woke yourself up to take sleeping pills again?'  
'Fuck off Harper! I ain't done that in ages. I wasn't expecting to stay over? I just- urgh!'  
Growling in frustration, Jason pushed past Roy to make his way to the kitchen but was stopped by Dick grabbing hold of his hand. Startling, Jason tugged his hand free and growled at Dick, who held his hands up in surrender.  
'Woah, easy tiger! Why doesn't Roy go get the water and you and I can go get you settled again yeah? Resting is almost as good as sleeping.' Dick explained, reaching out his hand again with a hopeful smile. He felt awful for thinking such awful things about his little brother, even if he hadn't voiced them to him. He just hoped that what Jason had over heard hadn't eroded away at the fragile trust between them. Jason frowned and looked from the bedroom door to the kitchen, clearly giving the proposal a lot of thought before sighing and taking hold of his brother's hand.  
'Whatever.'

Dick couldn't believe how quickly Jason appeared to have forgiven him. Jason didn't forgive anyone this quickly. A few months ago, he hadn't spoken to Damian for two weeks because he dared to change the TV channel without checking if Jason had been watching it. Yet here his brother was, clambering willing back into bed and not even pausing when Dick asked where his medication was.  
''m jacket pocket.'  
Nodding, Dick fumbled around in the dark before finally finding it in a pile of Jason's belongings. Peering at the labels he frowned in concern.  
'Resperidone? Little Wing, why-'  
'Don't you start too. I'm tapering off okay? Don't worry, I'll be able to give you my spunk.' Jason grumbled and Dick felt his jaw hang open.  
'Little Wing, that's not what I'm concerned about.'  
'You bringing them to me or what?' Jason snapped defensively, clearly rapidly losing his patience and Dick relented. 

Padding over to his brother he handed him the boxes, only to frown when Jason pulled back the covers.  
'You're sleeping over too ain't ya? The wet patch is on Harper's side. He's the only one who can get a full salute tonight apparently.' Jason grumbled, fumbling about with blister packs as if this was totally normal. Eyeing up the space next to Jason, Dick sighed and went clamber in next to him, but his brother eyeballed him in horror.  
'You don't sleep in day clothes, Dickie?'  
Dick paused and arched an eyebrow at his brother's very stern face and sighed in defeat. It was pointless arguing with Jason, even Bruce knew that. Apparently Little Wing had decided that he was staying the night with him and Roy and he was taking his clothes off. Apparently that was okay, yet somehow his brother had been unable to grasp why it was okay to ask him to help but not Bruce. Sometimes Dick would love to spend a day in Jason's brain, just to gain a bit of insight. Shaking his head, Dick stripped to his boxer shorts and opened his arms out to the sides.  
'This okay? Or do I need flannel pyjamas and a nightcap like Alfred used to make us wear?'  
Despite being one of the most sarcastic people Dick knew, Jason sailed right past it and gave him a very scrutinising look.  
'No, that's okay. You can get in bed now.'  
Dick swallowed down a chuckle at his brother's antics and just smiled instead, before clambering in beside him.  
'This okay?'  
'Said so didn't I? Where did Harper go to get that water? Star City?'

'Harper heard that. Here, now pack it in.' Roy called out, kicking off his pants as he handed the glass of water over to Jason. He shoved on some underwear whilst Jason grumbled something intelligible before taking his tablets, one by one as usual. Sighing, Roy looked over and raised an eyebrow at Dick who just shrugged and took the glass his brother handed to him with a bewildered expression.  
'Bedside table.' Jason explained as if he were two, he however seemed to trust that Dick could do it because Jason lay back down with a yawn. Roy followed suit, killing the light as he went.  
'Nights kids.'  
'Fuck off Roy.' Dick and Jason grumped in unison. To Dick this was rather odd, but Roy and Jason were happily nodding off to sleep as if Dick Grayson was a common inhabitant in their bed. Deciding to just roll with it he settled down himself. An arm snuck around his waist and Dick's breath caught in his chest. Rolling over slightly, he realised that Jason was holding onto him and Roy was snuggling into his brother from behind. Dick's lips tugged upwards slightly into a sleepy smile.  
His brother was feeling safe, he could tell by he way his brow was soft and relaxed. Closing his eyes Dick. Tomorrow he'd go home and away apologise to Kori.  
Everything was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's the first big day to kick start the string of other big days!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time off from university means only one thing... more time for writing fun stuff instead of essays!

Nothing ever happened quickly. Babies though, seemed to be the slowest process Dick had ever experienced. Kori had almost set fire to the house when Dick had arrived back home with his tail between his legs, flowers in his hands and the news that Jason had agreed to be a donor. It didn't mean things could start right away. First they had to wait for Jason to finish tapering off the Resperidone. This took another month but during this time, Jason had agreed to get the ball rolling at the fertility clinic. Dick tried to blink away the flashbacks of Arkham when he escorted Jason practically under restraint into the counsellor's office. He hadn't been allowed to stay. Roy was able to take his place but judging by his friend’s report, it didn't help much.

Neither Roy nor Dick could understand what Jason had against the little, plump woman with thick curly hair, but like her, Jason did not. Despite Roy's constant reaffirming that they weren't there to talk about his mental health, Jason sulked and pouted. He stated over and over again that he had capacity and he'd cut anyone that said otherwise. Roy had sighed and slyly taken the pen out of Jason's clenched fist.   
The counsellor tried to explain that she was only there to talk through his decision, but Jason just narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.  
'I want to talk to Dr Leland. Dr Leland doesn't lie.'  
'Jaybird, Dr Leland is a forensic psychiatrist not a fertility counsellor, and we don't know Dr Leland do we? Because we've never been to Arkham, have we?'  
'No. No I haven't.' Jason mumbled, eyes widening at what he’d let slip. 'But I don't like her. She has shifty eyes.'  
In the end, the counsellor gave up and just signed the form saying that counselling had taken place and Jason was giving informed consent.

Dick shook his head in bemusement when Jason walked out waving his form like it was the discharge papers he'd never received.  
'Look Dickie! I gots capacity!'  
Roy just stood there and looked like he needed counselling to get over the counselling.  
'This is why I drink Dick.'  
'Roy, no! It wasn't that bad!'  
'You didn't have to go in there with him.' Roy grumbled, eyeballing Jason as he skipped up to the receptionist and waved his form underneath her nose proudly. The young girl could not have looked less interested if she tried but this largely went unnoticed by Jason; mainly because Kori appeared in the entrance.  
'Kori look! Look! I gots capacity!' He cried, dashing over to the Tamaran, who grinned in response and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.   
'Well done! I suppose this is a time for celebratory cold dogs?'  
'Chilli Dogs, it's Chilli Dogs, Kor!' Jason chuckled, smiling back at his friend warmly as he returned her hug. 'They said it means I can help you have your baby.' He muttered softly into her ear and Kori's smile grew.  
'Of course you can.' She replied firmly, reaching up she placed a chaste kiss to Jason's temple before glancing over his shoulder. 

Roy looked like he wanted to melt into goo and Dick? Well, her husband was just staring at them blankly.  
'You guys coming or is Jason eating your share?' Kori called over to them, either not noticing or ignoring her husband’s silence.  
'You two lead the way.' Roy replied with a nod before looking over at a very quiet Dick.  
'Y'know, Jaybird'll understand if you've changed your mind, Dick?'  
Dick blinked, and slowly a fondness filtered into his blank gaze and he smiled softly.  
'No. No, I'm okay with it. Little weirder than before but- he really wants this baby doesn't he?' Dick observed, allowing Roy to grab him by the hand and tug him along.  
'Sure he does. Jaybird likes helping. Why does him throwing himself head first into this surprise you?'

A few weeks later, Dick found himself pulling up outside yet another warehouse in Gotham. Jason hadn't stayed with Roy long, vanishing in the dead of night as usual. Dick wanted to weep for his idiotic brother. He just wanted to shake some sense into him, make him see how good Roy was for him. Dick didn't worry when Jason was with Roy.  
Bizzaro was stood outside, hands on his hips, clearly playing lookout. Slipping out of the car, Dick, offered him a polite wave. As much as Jason had proven that the giant hulk of Superman clone was friendly, Dick still found himself slightly on edge when left alone with him.  
Bizzaro's eyes lit up and he beamed back at Dick before zooming back into the warehouse. Shouts of 'Red Him, Red Him! Bouncy Man is here!' literally shook the foundations of the building. Dick swallowed and tried to push images of Bizzaro using him as a bouncy ball out of his head. 

Bizzaro reappeared holding a small canvas bag with Artemis trailing behind him.  
'Dick.'  
Dick tried not to flinch as he peered through his eyelashes at Artemis, the woman was freaking terrifying and how Jason liked her completely baffled him.   
'Artemis, nice day isn't it?' Dick replied, and Artemis' gaze darkened.  
'Just so you know, Jason has told me about all of this. I believe it to be a ridiculously, horrible idea. Alas, my warnings have fallen on deaf ears as usual. Here, I have packed the Little One a bag to ensure that he comes to no harm.'  
'Me helps. Me put in the bandaids.' Bizzaro added as he dumped the bag in Dick's arms.  
'The weather is sunny today. I have packed sunscreen and a hat that he is to wear else he will burst into flames.'  
'Burn. He'll get sunburnt.' Dick corrected.  
'Exactly.' Artemis agreed, and Dick wondered if Jason had already tried and failed to explain that one. 'There is also water, weapons, snacks and the bandaids Bizzaro mentioned. I trust you will be having lunch or do I need to make one?'  
Swallowing down the urge to breakdown into hysterical laughter, Dick peeped inside Jason's bag and nodded.

'No, nope, I think that's everything covered. Don't worry, Jason will be in safe hands.'  
Folding her arms, Artemis arched an eyebrow.  
'Ha! Richard, you are his brother. Jason's family do not have a good record of keeping him safe. You Bats are not able to keep tabs on our Little One, even when he is in the same city!'  
'All right Artemis, stop harassing my brother. What the hell is that?' Jason grumbled, staring in wide eyed horror at the canvas bag in Dick's hand.  
'Red Her make sure you come back not dead.' Bizzaro explained with a firm nod. Jason's eyes widened and he shook his head violently.  
'Oh no! No! Artemis we've talked about this. I'm a grown man, I don't need a damn care package!' He protested, only just managing to hide the yelp when his friend swatted him around the ear.  
'You will do as Richard says and you will behave. I will not be coming to bail you out of jail.'   
Smirking Dick shrugged a shoulder and moved to open the car again.  
'Better do as your princess says Ja-'  
'Dickie, for the love of God, do not, call Artemis a princess!’ Jason groaned, before clambering into the front seat with a wave to Bizzaro, who smiled and waved back.   
'Go make me big brother!'

'So, big brother huh?'   
Of all the things Dick had to bring up during their rather tense drive to the clinic, it had to be that. Sighing, Jason tightened his iron tight grip on the seat and nodded slowly.  
'Yeah, um, sorry? About that. I tried to explain but um, Bizzaro wants to be a big brother and well, I don't even think Tetch could get him to change his mind.'  
'Huh.'   
Nodding along to his own words, Jason huffed a breath and looked out of the window.  
'I'm sorry for telling them. I had to. Neither of them would let it drop. Artemis, ha, she was all set to go and interrogate the girl I'd knocked up to ensure she was worthy!'  
Dick chuckled at this and Jason watched how the corners of his brother's eyes wrinkled. He seemed genuinely happy.  
'Ha, don't worry Jay. I don't mind you telling your friends.'  
'But Bruce still can't know?'  
'No Jay. Bruce can't know.'  
'But why?'  
'Because.'  
'Because is a conjunction, not an explanation, Dickface!'

As they pulled into the block the fertility clinic was on, Dick noticed Jason's anxiety spike. His bottom lip had disappeared into his mouth and fingers were drumming a frantic beat along his thighs. Pursing his lips, Dick reached over and took hold of his brother's hand.  
'Hush, it's okay Little Wing. We can just go for coffee if you've changed your mind?'  
Huffing a breath, Jason shook his head and gazed out of the window thoughtfully.  
'I want to. I want to help. I'm just-' breaking off, Jason closed his eyes and ducked his chin into his chest. 'I'm scared.' He muttered so quietly Dick had to lean closer to hear him.  
'Scared? Why's that?'  
'Will there be needles?'  
' No Jay. I know you don't like needles, and I'm promising you now that no one will becoming near you with a needle today.'  
'They did the day I saw the shifty woman.' Jason shot back accusingly, eyes narrowing. Nodding, Dick swallowed and changed gear as they approached the entrance to the clinic's parking lot.  
'Yes, for a blood test, to make sure you're healthy. And you did really good Jay. You took some diazepam beforehand remember? You knew what was going to happen and we planned for it.' Dick explained, noticing that his reassurance hadn't settled Jason much. 

His brother's gaze was fixed on the clinic's entrance as they parked up and Dick was sorely tempted to just turn around and get that coffee after all. A baby would be the most amazing thing in the world, but his little brother came first. Always.  
'I-I won't have to stay?'  
'No Jay. Come on, you went for a tour during your visit remember? You'll go to a room for a few minutes do um, well your thing, and then we go home. That's it.The only inpatients today are your sperm.’ Dick explained, watching Jason wrinkle his nose in disgust at the last part.  
'But there'll be doctors and nurses.'  
'Well, yes, but not really for you, sorry Little Wing. Remember you met that lovely nursing assistant? What was her name?'   
'Aafia.' Jason mumbled, turning he blinked back at his brother with a small smile. 'She had shiny hair.’  
The memory of the young girl seemed to settle Jason a little, if him swinging open the door and climbing out without a word was anything to go by.

In fact the tables seemed to turn once the two brothers made it inside the clinic. As soon as Jason was over the threshold, he made his way over to the desk with a confident air he hadn't had in the parking lot. Dick on the other hand felt his chest tighten and he fisted his hands at his sides to try and prevent them from shaking. Looking up, he saw his brother over at reception and quickly made his way over. Jason had been given some last minute forms to fill in and Dick couldn't not offer his help to try and soothe his brother's anxiety.  
'Dick back off. I can do this okay? What I can't do, is you fizzing next to me. Go sit down!' Jason finally snapped after his brother tried to tell him how to spell his own name. Dick blinked in surprise before glancing at the very frustrated looking receptionist.   
Right. Yes.  
He wasn't helping Jason through his anxiety he was very poorly managing his own.  
The soft purple couches that made up the waiting room looked very comfortable indeed but after only a few moments sat on one Dick was up again. The heels of his shoes clicking against the polished wood flooring as he paced and waited and then paced some more.

'Mr Harper?'  
Lifting his head, Dick frowned at the young NA, Aafia, before looking over to see Jason offer her a weak smile and put down the random magazine he'd been thumbing through. Apparently Dick had been so wrapped up in himself he hadn't noticed his brother sitting down. Apparently Jason thought it best to just leave him to pace, not that Dick could argue you that one. Other than sedation, no one was yet to discover another way of dealing with him when his legs itched so much to move they hurt.  
'Hey Aafia. You okay?' Jason replied politely, patting Dick on the shoulder, he pressed his lips to his temple. 'I won't be long Big Bird. You'll be here when I get out?'  
Nodding, Dick swallowed thickly and watched Jason walk off down the corridor with Aafia. The image distorted and he swore for a moment he was watching his little brother being taken down a corridor at Arkham. Shaking his head, Dick looked back up just in time to see present day Jason disappear out of sight.  
'This is such an awfully, bad idea.' He muttered under his breath, renewing his pacing.

'Dick!'  
Moments later, a desperate cry halted Dick in his tracks and he looked over in the direction it came from.  
'Dick!'  
'Oh Hell.' Dick groaned, making his way towards the bellowing. He should have known his brother would find a way to create a drama. Pushing open the door the nurse had lead his brother down, he stared at all the numbered doors. How was he meant to know which one Jason was behind? It was like some weird gameshow on the TV.  
'Dick?'  
Looking further down the corridor there his brother was, poking his head out of a door with a terrified look on his face.  
'Little Wing? Everything okay?' Dick asked, genuinely concerned as he approached the room. All he could see was Jason's frazzled head. 'Come out and talk to me.'  
Jason looked abashed at the mere idea and shook his head frantically.  
'I got no pants on!'  
Oh.  
Oh! 

Clearing his throat, Dick pointedly averted his eyes and nodded stiffly.  
'Okay, you, you just stay behind the door and, and I'll stay out here. What's the matter?'  
Jason suddenly turned bright red and he shuffled uncomfortably. Dick decided not to wonder as to why.  
'I can't do it.'  
Dick's heart plummeted and it was like being in that doctors office again. Nodding, he forced a bright smile and shrugged.  
'That's okay. I always said it was your choice Jay. Just, put your pants back on and we'll go get some coffee? It's -'  
'No, I can't do it! Y'know? Nothing's happening?' Jason blurted out, blinking up at Dick desperately, like when they were kids and he could get the Batcomputer to work.  
'Oh! Um, well, haven't you got, y'know? Some er, material in there?' Dick questioned, shuffling his weight from foot to foot nervously.

'Yeah, but it ain't working!'  
'Well, shall, shall I go ask the nurse to bring you some erm, guy stuff?'  
Jason huffed in frustration and shook his head.  
'I got 'em to give me both but I don't use that shit normally Dick? I never have looked at porn.'  
Duck blinked in surprise and lifted a curious eyebrow.  
'What? Like, never ever? Come off it Jay.'  
'Never ever!' Jason parroted, his cheeks cringing with a whole new embarrassment. Jason seemed almost on the verge of tears and all Dick wanted to do was wrap his little brother up in his arms and not let go. He'd never thought about the pornography being a trigger.  
'Okay. It's okay Little Wing. Erm, what, what can I do? Tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it.'  
'Help me!' Jason pleaded, just as a nurse walked by and cast them a look. 

Laughing nervously, Dick shoved Jason back through the door and pulled it shut with a charming smile. Watching the nurse disappear further up the corridor, Dick knocked on Jason's door and pressed his mouth against the wood.  
'I'm your brother Jay! You can't ask brothers to do that stuff.'  
'Oh but you can use my spunk to knock Kori up?' Jason shot back and Dick felt like crying. Leaning his forehead against the door he tried to think of how to help his Little Wing without skipping merrily into incest hell.  
'Alright! I'm - I'm gonna go fetch something to help you okay Little Wing? Just, stay in there and behave yourself.'  
He didn't wait to hear Jason's response. Instead, Dick dashed off towards the waiting room, frantically trying to find a number on his phone.

Roy Harper sauntered through the doorway of the clinic with a very satisfied smirk on his face. Hands causally stuck in his jacket pockets, the smirk only grew when a very frazzled Dick ran up to him.  
'Where is he?'  
'This way.' Dick replied, taking hold of his friend by the arm, he practically marched him over to the room Jason was in and knocked the door. Apparently there was no need for formalities.  
'Little Wing? I brought you some help?'  
'Fucking took you long enough!' Jason griped from the other side of the door before it clicked open and his head reappeared. His eyes fell on exactly what his brother had brought and his face resembled that of a tomato.   
'Nope.'

Chuckling, Roy shot Dick a wink and shoved Jason back inside.   
'Ignore him Grayson. He's fine.'  
'Go away! I don't want you!'  
'Totally fine!' Roy sang as the door slammed shut in Dick's face. Jason's history set alarm bells ringing in Dick’s head but it was Roy. Roy was his best friend, their best friend. He wouldn't hurt Jason. Despite reassuring himself, Dick frowned at the muffled conversation that sounded rather heated. What if Jason was saying no and he was being ignored? Pressing his ear up against the wood, Dick listened in on what was going on.  
A moan that definitely belonged to Jason filtered through followed by a very strained.  
'Fuck.'  
Maybe his brother was doing okay all by himself after all. Pulling away, Dick blushed furiously as he made his way back to the waiting room. 

'We broke up.' Jason protested, backing away further into the room. He was so focused on Roy just standing there smirking, he didn't notice the chair until he had toppled back into it, legs spread eagled in the air.  
'Heh, yeah we did Jaybird.' Roy replied sadly, despite the amusement in his eyes at Jason's predicament. He took slow, purposely predictable steps towards him, hands raised where Jason could see them. 'I also remember being balls deep in you only a few weeks ago. Remember? I bent you over my kitchen counter. Along with other surfaces?'   
Jason swallowed and licked his lips, without pants on, it was quite obvious the effect Roy's words were having and the archer's smirk grew.  
' I had hoped that wasn't your problem.' Roy observed flirtatiously, his gaze however pointedly focused on the flush of his friend's cheeks.   
'Fuck off.' Jason snapped, but the words came out more as a high pitched whine than anything else.

'You're in control here Jaybird. Deep breaths.' Roy reassured, keeping his hands up by his face to prove his intentions. 'If you want me to leave I will okay? I'm here to help you not-' cutting himself off Roy backtracked a bit on what he was saying, finishing that sentence with ‘hurt you’ would probably send Jason spiralling back down again. 'To force you into something you don't want. I've never done that, have I Jaybird?'  
Jason swallowed again and shook his head. No, Harper had never done anything that Jason hadn't whole heartedly agreed to.  
'So, want me to help or not? It's your call dude.'

Roy didn't come a single step closer, hands still where he could see them and try as he might Jason couldn't pick out a hint of lust in Roy's low timbre. Roy took a step closer and held out his hand for him with that smile. The smile Jason always could recognise, even during the times when he'd been floridly psychotic and barely remembered he wasn't 15 anymore. He felt safe when Roy smiled like that, he didn't know why and quite honestly, he never really overthought it, it was just Harper's 'thing'.  
Jason expected words with anyone else. Anyone else would talk to him and the slightest thing would cause him to bolt, for the defences to fly up and he'd shut down. Roy didn't say a word. He just stood there with his hand outstretched with that smile and waited. Waited for Jason to process, to assess the situation and make his mind up in his own time, however long that took. As Roy said, he was in control. Even if he was in a clinical setting, the pressure to perform weighing over him. Right now, in this moment he had control, he was safe, and in that moment Jason realised that what he'd been asking for when he'd called out to his brother wasn't for help, but to be reminded of that.

Wordlessly, Jason took the tiniest step forward, closing the gap between them painfully slowly, testing the boundary, how long Roy would hold out for. Roy just waited. Before long, Jason could feel the older man's breath on his cheek and slowly, he slipped his fingers in between callous ones. It felt right, how their hands slotted together, it always had. Dry lips brushed against his tentatively and Jason responded, pressing his body flush against Roy's as he deepened the kiss, hands rising to clutch the back of Roy’s shirt like a lifeline.  
'That's it Jaybird.'  
Gasping, Jason pulled away and glanced down at his pelvis cautiously, after all that time focusing on getting an erection, on filling that damn pot, the moment he'd forgotten about it, he was now rock hard and pressing into Roy's stomach. He just stared, unsure now how to proceed.

'Go on, touch yourself Jaybird.' Roy muttered into his ear and Jason moved to comply. A rush of bad memories, faces and words flooded his head and Jason closed his eyes tightly with a slight whine of fear.  
'I-I can't. You d-do it.'   
'Oy, open those eyes for me, Jaybird.'   
Jason never could refuse that request. Opening his eyes, he looked back into Roy's green ones, focusing on the little details of them. The little flecks of brown in them, the ring of yellows around the pupils, bleeding into the green of the iris.He knew those eyes so well he could probably draw them from memory. Roy moved the hand he was holding and Jason shook his head before being distracted by lips again. It wasn't until he was taking hold of himself with Roy's hand sitting on top protectively that reality hit again and he figured out what he was doing.  
'Move Jaybird. I got you. I'm here.' Roy reassured him, lips brushing the shell of his ear softly. 'That's it. Don't worry about the pot. I got it.'

Aafia had somehow been able to perform a miracle even Alfred had never been able to achieve, and had managed to get Dick to sit down with a cup of coffee. She would smile and wave as she dealt with other clients and paperwork and well, whatever nursing assistants did at a fertility clinic, Dick wasn't overly sure, he was more familiar with the workings of the psychiatric field. With that thought Dick peered over at the closed double doors, he had to keep reminding himself that they weren't locked and his Little Wing would be coming through them with Roy any second now. Any really long second stretched by a few million years it seemed. Sighing, Dick pulled his eyes away and began thumbing through yet another pointless gossip magazine. Apparently Tim was in this one, he was sleeping with some top model apparently. He made note to inform Tim of this latest development in his love life as, as gossip magazines went they knew more about your own life than you did. A pair of familiar boots came into his line of vision.

'I got pants on Dickie. Can we go for that coffee now? And cake, Harper says I deserve cake.'  
Dick gasped in surprise and the magazine fell forgotten to the floor as he stood to gape at Jason. A very, empty handed, Jason.  
'Erm, Little Wing? Erm, where's the pot?'  
'I got it! Don't worry. Jaybird just refuses to touch it is all.' Roy butted in, strolling through the double doors, waving said pot over his head like some sort of trophy. Letting out which could only be described as a squeal, Jason dashed over and grabbed the pot out of his friend's hand whilst glaring pure murder at him.   
'Don't wave it around! People will see!'  
'Jaybird, sweetheart, we're in a fertility clinic. People expect to see a pot of jizz that's basically the entire point.' Roy replied with a smirk, and Dick wondered if he should be worried about the homicidal glare his friend was receiving off his brother.

‘Don't call me sweetheart! I am not your sweetheart.’ Jason ground out through gritted teeth before storming up to the desk to hand in his pot all by himself. The penny dropped and Dick turned to nudge Roy playfully.  
‘You sly dog! You can play him like a fiddle.’  
Roy just sighed and shot Dick a look before going back to watching Jason hand over his pot to Aafia with a shy smile.  
‘Yeah well, I’ll do anything for Jaybird, y’know that. Handing in a pot full of his jizz? Too far man, that's just too far, Jaybird can do that shit himself.’ Roy grumbled with a slight smirk. ‘That pot was pretty darn full, dude. You ready to be a daddy?’

Dick felt like he'd been dunked in ice cold water. This was happening. Jason had finished signing whatever it was he'd been signing and was now walking over with a big grin.  
‘Alright, lets go!’ He said, cocking his head slightly at Dick and waving a hand in front of his face. ‘Yo, earth to Dickface? Time to get me my coffee bro, you promised? And cake!’  
Dick nodded slowly and looked up at his little brother with a small smile.  
‘Yeah, yeah okay. Let's go. What- what did you have to sign?’  
Shrugging, Jason started plodding off towards the exit, focused entirely on the next item on his to do list for the day.  
‘Oh, just some legal mumbo jumbo? Something about revoking parental responsibility yada, yada. Basically means your the daddy, Dick, now come. On. You promised me coffee after we were done? We're done, let's go!’

The ice cold water feeling came back and Dick’s feet were glued to the spot, forcing him to watch Jason stride through the doors and stand impatiently by the car.  
‘He- he signed-‘ Dick trailed off and looked up at Roy, who just shook his head and pushed him forwards.  
‘What were you expecting him to do? Your the dad and Jaybird’s the uncle. That's it is his head dude? Along with getting coffee five minutes ago, so hurry up and let's go before he hot wires the car!’  
Allowing himself to be tugged along by his friend, Dick’s thoughts were stuck on one thing.  
This was real.  
He was going to be the daddy now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I have finished my degree and am now just waiting for my PIN and I’m a registered nurse.
> 
> So, this means that I hopefully will have some time to try and finish off my stories :)  
> Saying that I am slowly being seduced by an art therapy masters degree ...

Mornings were Jason's least favourite time of day. Some (if not most) mornings he'd get up, wash, take his meds, eat breakfast, and then give up and go back to bed. Which was where he was now. Stripped down to his t-shirt and boxer shorts and snuggled safely beneath his warm blankets. The sounds of Artemis and Bizzaro getting up for the day drifted through every now and then but the noise only served to reassure him that all was well. Ever since his original team of Outlaws, Jason had worked out that the nightmares were kept at bay when he could sense that his friends were near by. He wasn't alone so he can't be dying because he died alone.  
A foot dug mercilessly into his side. Grumbling groggily, Jason scowled and rolled away from the rude awakening.  
‘Jason get up. You have a telephone call!’ Artemis yelled before kicking him in the side again. ‘Now!’

Also, just like his old team, Artemis and Bizzaro had quickly learned to take a tough love approach when tasked with dragging his sorry, sleep deprived ass out of bed. Thankfully, Artemis hadn't discovered Roy’s favourite tactic, a bucket of ice cold water. Shuddering at the mere memory, Jason yelped when his ribs suffered another hefty blow and buried his head beneath his pillows.  
‘Urgh, quit it! What is wrong with you and a good nights sleep?’ Jason grumbled, only for his blankets to magically vanish and he found himself being dangled in midair. Swallowing, he blinked down blearily at Artemis, who was looking pretty pissed.  
‘It is lunchtime, Little One. It is no longer night and you have a telephone call. I suggest ceasing your whining and before Bizzaro tells them all about being a big brother!’  
‘Big- no it can't be? Is it?’  
Jason didn't know what to say, his heart had taken up residence in his throat when Artemis placed him down and swatted him around the ear.  
‘Yes, it's the clinic! I had to leave your phone with Bizzaro to come wake you. Now move it!’  
Jason needed to be telling twice. Stumbling out into the living room he spotted Bizzaro sitting upside down on the couch grinning at Pup Pup whilst holding Jason's phone to his ear.

‘Me be big brother. Red Him super strong? Like me?’  
Rolling his eyes, Jason sighed and jogged over to rescue the poor caller, who apparently had given up on confidentiality once Bizzaro started grilling them, which was kind of understandable.  
‘Woah buddy! That's private!’  
Blinking, Bizzaro looked up at his friend before swinging the right way up and handing over the phone with a slight pout.  
‘Sorry Red Him. Nice lady talked to me.’  
Taking the phone, Jason offered him a soft smile.  
‘It's okay buddy.’ Turning to the phone he took a deep breath and lifted it to his ear. ‘Hello Mr Harper speaking? Yes, big brother. Heh, yeah you could say he was my little brother. Oh he's special alright.’ Jason started an awkwardly, wandering off to the kitchen he closed the door.

Artemis and Bizzaro exchanged looks before staring at the shut door in a mutual silence.  
‘Red Him says it private.’  
‘Yes. Well, I suppose we must sit and wait for him to come and talk to us.’ Artemis decided, sauntering over to the couch she sat down and clapped her hands tightly in her lap. Jason was the closest thing she’d had to a friend in a long time and his heart had been set on this sperm donor thing. The thought of him receiving the same news as his brother was devastating, although likely, given his past. She didn't know what to say if Jason ended up being infertile too, to have that choice taken from him as well. Bizzaro seemed to pick up on her anxiety and began to whimper slightly from his spot, his gaze fixed on the kitchen door.  
‘Me be big brother. Red Him say.’  
Artemis forced a bright smile and rested a hand on his bicep with a heavy sigh.  
‘I hope so. For both your sakes, I do hope so.’

 

The kitchen door creaked open sooner than Artemis had expected and Jason shuffled out, hands buried in his pockets. His expression similar to when Bizzaro had accidentally dropped him on his head a few weeks ago.  
‘Jason?’ Artemis asked, getting up slowly she stood and watched her friend part his lips as if to say something before dissolving into tears. Her heart sank.  
Oh no. Not this.  
‘Red Him leaking!’ Bizzaro gasped, leaping to his feet he stormed over and almost broke Jason's ribs in an overly enthusiastic bear hug. ‘Stop leaking!’  
Gasping for breath, Jason slapped his friend’s arms in a bid for his freedom before being placed gently down on the couch. At least Bizzaro’s attack had managed to tamper down his tears which had now been reduced to embarrassingly pathetic snuffles. Jason could only cringe further when Artemis moved to sit next to him and pulled him into her bosom like a mother would to a child.  
‘What did the clinic say?’ She asked, her voice like a gentle croon and Jason couldn't help shaking his head and resuming his sobbing. Artemis closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her friend’s wild mop of dark curls with a sigh. ‘I am sorry, Jason. Truly.’  
Unashamedly burying his face into her chest, Jason shook his head again and let out a stuttering breath.

‘N-no. They- they called to confirm that my- that everything is good and they were able to um, y’know, knock Kori up or whatever.’ He said, turning slightly to blink up at Artemis with an expression that could only be described as terrified. ‘Heh, Dickie is shooting blanks but me?’ Taking another shaky breath he buried himself back into Artemis’ chest. ‘ I- well- apparently I got super juice or summit. Can only guess it's summit to do with the Lazarus Pit. They want me to give ‘em more?’  
Artemis glanced at Bizzaro in shock before kissing the top of Jason's head and rocking slightly to soothe him. She had been expecting the clinic to bring news of barrenness not, well not that. She never expected to learn that Jason apparently had ‘super sperm’. The mere idea made her uterus want to shrivel up. Thank Hera that she did not have that sort of relationship with her Little One because no way was she having a little one.  
‘Well, that is information I did not desire but now possess. Do you intend to comply with the clinic’s request for regular samples?’  
Jason gasped and was suddenly sat up and staring at her in complete horror.  
‘Oh hell no! Just doing this once is a bad idea, you even said so yourself! Doing it all over again? No, thank you! I'm gonna, I dunno? Yeah! Yeah, you or Bizzaro could whack me real hard or something.’ Jason rambled off, hands trembling from the tempest of emotions coursing through him. Chuckling, Artemis shook her lead and lay back against the couch with a roll of her eyes.  
‘Woah, hold off on the self-mutilation. What about Dick and Kori? When are they going to receive your precious gift?’  
Pausing, Jason shrugged and looked out of the window pensively.  
‘I dunno? Dickie will tell me I guess.’

The sun was rising, casting an almost golden glow around the chic, modern bathroom. Kori never had much of a desire for the finer things in life after her time with Roy and Jason. Life on the run was far from glamorous, but she had to admit that to be surrounded by luxury was something that made her smile. Some called her fickle or shallow, but Kori paid them no mind. She was an alien woman, stuck in a world hat accepted her depending on politics, so she really did have to question who was really the shallow one?  
Sighing to herself in a melancholy fashion, Kori tucked the little white stick into the pocket of her dressing gown before washing her face with cold water. Dick was usually home by now but obviously life continued to hate her and was ensuring that he was late home.  
Her feet took her out onto the front porch and Kori leant against the doorframe to watch the sunlight break over the horizon. Her thoughts drifting like the morning smog until eventually settling on Jason. Jason with his thick mop of ebony curls that never faced the same direction, as unruly as the person it belonged to. Jason with his bright smile and eyes that sparkled and danced when he laughed. Dick was famed for his almost golden complexion but Jason’s was more subtle, as if he’d spent an afternoon in the park on a hot day. Up front, Jason was loud and obnoxious, it was easy to mistake that he wore everything on his sleeve but in truth, Jason was as subtle as the complexion of his skin. Jason loves quietly, tucking something he found so precious safely away inside himself like a clam with a pearl. Kori had learnt over the years how to see it, the flicker of emotion in his eye or the slight tremor of lips that wanted to smile but never quite managed it. Subtle but deep within its hiding place, Jason’s love shone as bright as the sun itself.

Kori has never met a human or Tamaran that loved like Jason did. She didn’t think that she ever would.  
‘Kor?’  
Startled, Kori gasped and span on her heel to see Dick stood in the doorway with a lopsided smile. Nightwing had been stripped away and replaced with Elmo sleeping pants. There was still a spot of grime behind his ear though that made Kori giggle before reaching out to wipe it away with her sleeve.  
‘You are late Richard.’  
Mischief danced and twirled behind blue eyes that Kori could never look away from before the lazy smile sharpened into a smirk.  
‘Late? Me? Never. Everyone else is just early.’ Dick drawled, stepping closer to wrap his arms around Kori’s waist with a pleased huff. ‘I missed you.’  
‘You’re lucky I love you.’ Kori shot back, kissing the smirk right off his face.  
‘Hmph, that I am.’ Dick mumbled, deepening the kiss as he tightened his grip on her waist. He felt the energy that thrummed beneath Kori’s skin warm and inviting, melting the cold chill of the night. Pulling away he pressed his forehead against Kori’s and sighed wearily.  
‘Spent most of the night trying to find out what Jay’s up to. Word on the street is that if anyone so much as calls someone names, the Hood is going to put them in traction. I’d rather prefer it if that didn’t happen. Bruce and Jay have only just patched things up from the last time they fell out. I just wish I knew why he was being like this.’ 

Stepping back slightly, Kori chewed on her bottom lip and glanced away, her hand unconsciously gripping her secret in her pocket.  
‘Have you thought that maybe Jason is laying low because he knows that I have been for my appointment?’  
‘What? Why would he do that? He knows I’d tell him as soon as we found out.’ Dick automatically defended, noticing Kori’s hand he swallowed thickly. ‘You- you’ve taken a test?’  
‘Three.’ Kori whispered, tears welling in her eyes. ‘I wanted to make sure.’  
Shakily, she dipped her hand inside her pocket and withdrew the test, presenting it to her husband.  
‘Promise me Richard. Promise me that you won’t upset him. Just because he handles things differently to you does not make him wrong. If Jason wants to run, let him.’  
Swallowing thickly, Dick stared at the result in the little, teeny tiny screen and felt the blood drain from his face. Kori was an intelligent woman but sometimes, her wisdom seemed as alien as her.  
‘If-if he runs- I cannot- he won’t be safe. I need him safe. I can’t lose him. Not again.’  
Kori just sighed and looked back out towards the horizon, fingers carefully pushing between Dick’s to squeeze his hand tightly.  
‘Richard you think with yourself. Jason runs. That’s what he does. What you do not understand is that he runs because he loves. When you love as bright as the sun, one must run to keep from burning up in it. Jason will run Richard, but he will return because of that same love.’

It was late afternoon when there was a knock at the door of the warehouse. Lifting his head from where he’d fallen asleep on the couch, head nestled in Artemis’ lap, Jason frowned at it suspiciously.  
‘Who’s that? Why are they here?’  
Rolling her eyes, Artemis shoved him the rest of the way off her lap and got up to answer the door like a normal person.  
‘Jason, I am not psychic. I’ll go see who it is, why don’t you try and stop hyperventilating.’ Artemis half scolded, smiling when Jason grumbled something about breathing just fine and flipped her the bird. Striding over to the still knocking door, Artemis opened it, took one look at who their visitors were, before spinning on her heel and walking off towards her bedroom.  
‘Jason, it’s for you.’ Artemis singsonged over her shoulder, appearing to be carefree but she did however leave her bedroom door open a crack to listen in.  
Swallowing thickly, Jason pushed himself up onto his feet and forced his legs to move towards the door, excitement and dread swirling with the bitter ice of fear. No one really visited and he was only expecting to hear from one person.  
It looked as if someone had died.

Dick was stood stoically on the doorstep, eyes fixed dead ahead and much to Jason’s surprise, Kori was here too, she seemed, happier, but Jason saw the trepidation she was was trying to hide within her eyes. They were holding each others hands so tightly Jason couldn’t help but stare at them for a moment, calculating exactly how much of their circulation was being restricted.  
‘It’s okay, your arms have a sufficient blood supply but you may develop pins and needles in the next ten minutes or so.’ Jason spoke monotonously before spinning on his heel and making his way over to the kitchen to make some tea. You made tea when visitors came, that’s what Alfred said. He was pretty sure there were some macaroons in the cupboard if Bizarro hadn’t gotten to them.  
It was only when Jason was finishing arranging his best china tea set on it’s tray that Jason realised that it didn’t matter about the tea. He had forgotten the first thing you were supposed to do. He’d forgotten to invite them in!  
Scowling, Jason could only imagine Alfred’s disappointment in him. Slamming a fist into his forehead, Jason stomped back off towards the door to do this visitor thing properly only Dick and Kori were no longer there. Anxiety shot threw him and Jason gazed around his empty door step in horror, had he messed up so badly that they had left?  
Closing the door again, Jason sucked on his bottom lip as his thoughts ran wild with useless ideas on how to correct this.  
‘Jay? Are you alright?’  
Kori’s voice drifted over from the living room and Jason blinked in surprise before wandered over to where the voice originated from.  
Kori and Dick were sat on the couch as if everything were as it should be. It felt off though and try as he might he couldn’t put his finger on it.  
Words left him. Groaning in frustration, Jason slammed his fist into the nearest wall and stomped off to collect the tea. Tea made everything better. If it was really bad adding a cookie usually helped but macaroons would have to do. 

Dick’s eyes were wet and glassy when he looked down at the very fancy looking tea set and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched his brother pour tea into cups without actually asking if anyone wanted any. Noticing his brother’s reaction, Jason’s head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously.  
Deciding that helping might soothe the growing awkward tension, Dick took hold of the milk jug and began pouring it into the closest cup.  
‘Tea. You’re answer to everything Little Wing. Alfred is really rubbing off on you.’ Dick teased half heartedly but Jason just frowned and shook his head.  
‘You ruined tea Dickhead! You don’t put the milk in first! It’s ruined it! It’s already bad because of the macaroons and now this!’ Jason despaired, staring at the milk in his brother’s cup he felt tears beginning to well in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Dick and Kori. Definitely not over tea.  
‘It’s just tea Jay? What does it matter if the milk goes in first?’ Dick asked, completely flabbergasted about how picky his brother could be.  
Jason turned a rather colourful shade of purple before waving his arms about as he started yelling about the correct way to apparently make tea.  
‘Jason, it is alright. Richard did not know of the tea. I shall empty the cup and wash it out.’ Kori spoke up, collecting the offending cup she paused and gave Dick a very hard stare. ‘Richard has some news for you, don’t you Richard?’

Dick swallowed and felt very much like he was being abandoned as Kori walked away with the usual sway to her hips. This couldn’t be happening. But this was what he wanted to happen, wasn’t it? He asked Jason to help him so why was this so damn hard?  
He didn’t want to lose his brother but he knew that he would.  
‘I suppose we could use Kori’s cup and Kori can have your cup when she returns. Yes, that will work.’ Jason muttered away to himself, his brow furrowed slightly as he recalled how many sugars his brother took and spooned them in. Dick didn’t know what else to do other than to accept the cup thrust at him and sip at it gingerly as the the silence continued. The tea barely stayed down, the liquid tasted bitter despite the added sugar and sloshed around a stomach that clenched in trepidation. Settling his cup in its saucer, Dick placed it gently back onto the coffee table and watched Jason stare into his own as if it held the meaning of life.  
Life.  
Funnily enough that was why Dick was even here, bothering his brother when he really shouldn’t. Jason never liked being bothered.

‘Little Wing? Can- can you look at me please?’ Dick asked, his voice shaky but still almost deafening in the silence. He winced at his own request, Jason never made eye contact but right now, he needed to see his brother’s face. Jason blinked and appeared to not have heard until slowly, he lifted his gaze to look at his brother. It wasn’t the eye contact Dick craved, Jason instead was looking slightly off, as if watching something sitting on Dick’a shoulder but it was close enough. It had taken physical collisions, hospital admissions and hours of waiting for a phone to ring, for Dick to learn that sometimes, close enough was better than nothing at all.  
The same goes for a reply. The silence wasn’t Jason being stubborn or rude he just didn’t do idle small talk, he spoke when required to. It didn’t matter if he liked the person he was conversing with the outcome was always the same. Dick’s request didn’t require a verbal response so therefore none was given, but it didn’t help Dick’s fight to keep his tea down.  
‘Um, yeah, thanks. Jay I’ve got something to tell you. About Kori. You see, we- she um-‘  
‘It didn’t work.’ Jason stated rather than asked and Dick found himself staring at the tightness around his brother’s eyes. ‘You want me to give you guys more?’  
‘No! No, no quite the opposite Little Wing!’ Dick said with a trill of a chuckle in his tone, his eyes welling with tears as he looked at his brother, waiting for the meaning to dawn on him, but Jason just looked confused.  
‘You don’t want my help no more? That’s cool. I-I can help you get someone better or, or help you through the adoption stuff, yeah?’ 

Chuckling softly, Dick found himself smiling despite his nerves and he reached out to grasp his brother’s hands tightly in his own.  
‘Kori is pregnant Little Wing.’ He said, simply.  
Dick waited for the dramatics. His brother never passed up the opportunity to be a drama queen.  
Jason blinked and Dick waited some more. The awkward silence stretched beyond forever until it was broken by the screech of a door.  
Lifting his head, Jason looked up to see Kori walking towards them with a fresh cup and a bright smile. Pausing her steps, she tilted her chin slightly at her friend.  
‘Is it true? What Dick said? Is it true?’ Jason asked, his voice low and just circling suspicious in tone.  
Finishing her walk over to the coffee table, Kori placed down the cup before turning to smile at Jason warmly.  
‘Yes. It’s true.’ 

Dick watched in silent concern as Jason’s eyes filled with tears that glistened in the afternoon sunlight. He made to go comfort his brother from whatever had distressed him when suddenly, Jason smiled.  
No.  
Jason didn’t smile. Jason glowed.  
‘I’m gonna be an uncle?’ Jason asked, looking at Dick so intensely he had no choice but to nod for fear of what would happen if he didn’t. It shocked Dick, how emotional and surprised Jason looked, it was as if his brother had clean forgotten about the IVF. In fact it was concerning, what if Jason had been psychotic this entire time and never had truly consented to any of this?  
Before he could even figure that one out, Dick’s attention was caught by Jason’s hand resting on Kori’s stomach. Rubbing his thumb against her shirt, Jason’s lips trembled slightly as if trying smile but not succeeding. Although he seemed emotionless, the sun highlighted the tears welling in teal eyes.  
‘Congratulations Princess.’ Jason mumbled, pulling his gaze away to look up at Kori in wonder.

Dick should have been happy to see his brother find so much joy when he usually felt low. Dick should have been happy that his wife was pregnant and they would soon be parents.  
Dick should have been happy.  
However, the sight of Kori with Jason stroking her stomach left a sour taste in his mouth. He’d thought things would be okay but the reality was different. Dick hadn’t banked on suspecting that maybe Jason hadn’t given up on being a dad after all.  
All joy Dick had felt fizzled out at the thought of Jason wanting in on being a dad.  
He wouldn’t, couldn’t, deny his brother that, but the thought of giving up his baby broke his heart as well.  
Because wasn’t that the painful crux of the matter?  
Regardless of how Kori had ended up pregnant Dick still felt like a dad, still wanted so desperately to be one.  
But Jason came first.  
Jason always came first.  
It wasn’t fair.

Despite his early worries about Jason running away, Dick could only muster a pitiful show of concern when Jason disappeared a few days later.  
For once his brother’s disappearance eased his troubles. Not that Dick was going to admit that.


End file.
